


love lost, love found (love doubled)

by lexa_lives_in_us



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Brunn is a good sport, Carol is an anxious bean, Everyone is In Love With Everyone, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Maria is gone for the first part, Monica MVP, Other, Past Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse, Polyamory, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Poly, Slow burn (sorta), but then she comes back and chaos ensues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2020-04-12 10:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19129831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexa_lives_in_us/pseuds/lexa_lives_in_us
Summary: When Carol receives Natasha’s call, she’s sitting in Monica’s living room, a full bottle of whiskey in her right hand and four more sitting in front of her on the coffee table.She should’ve been here. She should’ve been on Earth.To fight, sure. To beat the living hell out of that Mad Titan, of course.But mostly, she should’ve been there for Maria.Valkyrie crash lands on Earth one week after the Snap.orCarol Danvers does have two hands, but so does Brunn and so does Maria. (aka the Polyamory no one's asked for)





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> There is literally no explanation for this.  
> I started writing it on my phone a week ago and I am finding myself with five chapters ready to go.  
> Blame Brie Larson, Tessa Thompson and Lashana Lynch for this disaster.  
> Some details from the comics will come up. Brunn is a goner from day one. Angst ensues.
> 
> Unbeta'd.

CHAPTER ONE

  
Valkyrie crash lands on Earth one week after the Snap.

She carries with her a handful of Asgardian survivors, who were with her on a second drop ship, and Thor is not there to greet them.

Valkyrie almost tears Avenger Mansion apart in rage and confusion and hunger for answers.

It’s Natasha who explains to her exactly what had happened, where the rest of her compatriots are. And the reality is that the few Asgardians left are scattered across the globe, wandering helplessly without a home and without a leader.

Valkyrie follows Natasha’s directions and finds Thor in a cold, dirty dive bar outside the city center, and all she can do is grab his tankard of ale and empty it in one, desperate motion.

  


They regroup at Avenger Mansion, collecting the strays from across the globe at best of their abilities, but it becomes clear pretty quickly that they can’t stay there.

Valkyrie doesn’t want to ask anybody for help, but her people are tired and mourning, and they need a home, and their king is pretty much unresponsive.

She turns to Natasha and Natasha sighs. She looks nothing like the woman Thor had described to her in the past. She looks troubled. She looks exhausted. She looks human.

But she does what she has promised, and she calls in for help. Handling an old little square object made of buttons and beeping sounds that Valkyrie has never seen in her life, Natasha pages someone called “Captain”.

Valkyrie waits, and she doesn’t wait for long.

 

***

 

When Carol receives Natasha’s call, she’s sitting in Monica’s living room, a full bottle of whiskey in her right hand and four more sitting in front of her on the coffee table. Empty.

And yet, none of that is enough to wash away the anger, the pain, the guilt.

She should’ve been here.

She should’ve been on Earth.

To fight, sure. To beat the living hell out of that Mad Titan, of course. 

But mostly, she should’ve been there for Maria. She should’ve come home sooner. 

Should’ve visited in those last twenty years. If not often, at least once in a while.

She’d always thought she’d had time. She’d thought that she could’ve come home whenever she’d wanted.

But, although she’d wanted to go back home to Maria and Monica, she’d always managed to find another battle to fight, another group of people to save.

And by doing so, she’d failed to save the first people she’d sworn to protect.

The first person she’d ever truly cared for.

She’d come home to find a pile of ashes on the ground, and her thirty-something year old daughter wrecked by sobs next to it.

Carol will forever remember the look of anger and pain and relief that Monica had given her the moment she’d laid eyes on her.

She will forever be haunted by it, by the knowledge that she’d failed her family.

And yet, even stronger than the guilt, there is pain.

Because Maria is gone.

Maria Rambeau is dead and the Infinity Stones are destroyed and Carol has lost the only woman she has ever loved.

  


So, when Natasha calls her, Carol answers immediately.

She needs something to do. She needs to leave Monica’s couch and let her and her fiancée go on with their lives.

She needs to put those cursed powers to good use, and at least help those who can still be helped.

  


Carol lands in front of Natasha, Thor and a group of people she’s never seen.

"Captain." Natasha says.

She studies her, Carol can see it.

She knows her new friend is trying to evaluate whether or not she can be trusted with a mission.

Whether or not she’s going to break down in front of them.

"Widow." Carol salutes back. "What do you have for me?"

Natasha nods to herself and steps aside to introduce her to someone.

"Carol, this is Valkyrie, one of Thor’s warriors. She and her companions are looking for a place to live. A place on Earth to rebuild a new home."

The woman in front of her is taller than Carol. She is also wearing a silver detailed white armour, with a blue cape of sorts dangling from her shoulders pads. The armour is stained in blurs of different colours that Carol presumes must be blood.

She is incredibly attractive, with piercing eyes and long, dark hair falling over her striking features.

Carol holds out her hand, and after a moment of cautious scrutiny, Valkyrie grabs her entire forearm in a solid, confident shake.

"You gonna find us a place, blondie?" she asks, with a drawl in her voice that makes Carol’s lips quirk up in a half smile.

She meets her eyes and she sees a reflection of what’s probably storming in her own.

Loss. Hopelessness. A strong desire to get black out drunk and call it a day.

"Gonna do my best, Valkyrie, warrior of Thor."

This time, it’s Valkyrie the one who barks out a laugh.

"It’s Brunn."

Carol’s eyebrow shoots up.

"Short for?"

Brunn’s eyes narrow, and Carol feels the hold on her forearm getting stronger. She holds the stare.

"Well, you gotta earn the privilege of knowing that, don’ya think?"

Carol shakes her head, a small, sad smile dancing on her lips.

Natasha follows the interaction with arms crossed and a quirked eyebrow.

  


Carol finds a splotch of land somewhere in Norway in less than three days. It’s the easiest part of the ordeal.

Together with Natasha, Steve and one SHIELD team, she organizes quinjets to fly over the Atlantic to bring Asgardian families and resources to their new home.

They face the first hiccups when they realize that they don’t have enough trusted pilots for one single long trip with a bunch of aliens as their cargo.

Either the pilots are too inexperienced to face such a trip or they’ve been wiped out by the Snap.

The SHIELD team led by Melinda May provides them with the woman herself, silent and rageful, an Inhuman named Quake and an agent named Piper.

Carol herself offers to pilot a jet, and she calls in Monica to take care of another.

They’re still short one pilot, and Thor is starting to become even more restless, when a blonde woman strikes inside the Mansion’s hangar like she’s in her own garage.

Everyone and their mothers have their guns pointed at her, but then Natasha steps forward and hugs the woman like a sister she hasn’t seen in a long time and the question is settled: Mockingbird will fly their last jet.

  


Natasha remains at the Mansion to keep the fort running and Carol is back in a cockpit again.

Everything is so foreign to her, a stranger to Earth’s latest technology, and yet so familiar.

She brings the quinjet up in the air with the precious cargo of Asgardians and she lets her back relax against the seat of the plane.

She can’t help but realize that the last time she’s flown in a human plane it had been with Maria as her co-pilot.

She turns her head in an involuntary motion and finds Brunn already looking at her.

"What?"

Brunn shrugs.

“You spaced out for a second, is all. Been wonderin’ if you were gonna make us crash or get us safely to wherever this place is.»

Carol releases the vice grip on the throttle and throws Brunn an amused glance.

"Got that little faith in me, Valkyrie?"

Brunn shrugs again, but the shit eating grin on her face betrays her.

"I don’t know, I haven’t seen much of you yet."

The banter carries on for a few minutes, and when Brunn excuses herself to go check on her companions, Carol melts against the seat with a soft smile.

She knows that Brunn was trying to distract her, and for a while, she had managed just fine.

Carol sighs and opens comms with the other jets to check in on their progress.

Melinda May sends her the coordinates of her position and shuts off the comms right after, not too keen of doing small talk.

Agent Piper is not much different, although she cheerfully comments on the good weather before going back to her flight.

Quake actually keeps her on comms for a solid half hour trying to explain to her what Harry Potter is, before Monica interjects in their conversation to update Carol on her flight.

“You saved me, there, Lieutenant.” Carol comments once Quake is off comms.

Monica chuckles.

“Yeah, well, I know Quake. But she’s right, ma’. You really gotta read Harry Potter.”

Carol groans, just as Monica releases another chuckle.

“Alright, Captain. Touch base in another three hours. Photon out.”

Comms are disengaged and Carol is left with her mouth slightly open and her heart squished in a grip.

Photon.

Of course, Monica had taken her mother’s callsign.

And yet, as obvious as it is, Carol is caught by surprise, and her stomach somersaults.

“You look pale as hell.”

Carol’s head snaps in Brunn’s direction, meeting her furrowed brows.

Swallowing, Carol shakes her head, taking a deep breath in the hope to calm her racing heart.

Brunn sits next to her and Carol almost wants to yell at her or ask her to leave, but she doesn’t do either. And Brunn doesn’t say a word, but sits in a comfortable silence with her eyes trailed out the window.

  


The comms crackle once more a couple of minutes later, and Carol puts them on speaker without even checking who they come from.

“Did you know that there are fifty-two nations that have shorelines on the Atlantic Ocean?”

The silence that follows gives time to Carol and Brunn to exchange a confused look.

“Did I shock you with my tremendous knowledge of our Ocean, Captain?” Mockingbird asks, and Carol can swear she hears her laughing at her own jokes.

“Is everything alright, Mockingbird?” Carol checks.

The woman snorts.

“Peachy. I’m quite certain Thor just passed out in the back of my jet, and his very chatty friend is still talking to him like he hasn’t been out of it for the past two hours. Gotta say, not the Thor I remembered.”

Brunn perks up and throws a glance at Carol.

“You knew Thor... before?”

“Oh, yeah.” Comes the cheerful response. “Decked him in the face once or twice when we were both at Avengers Tower.”

This time Carol’s attention is sparked.

“You are an Avenger?”

That question is what eventually seems to wipe the smile off of Mockingbird’s voice.

“Was. Many things have changed in these past few years, Captain. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for your loss. I knew Maria well.”

Carol’s heart stops.

If it wasn’t for the seatbelt keeping her in place and for the throttle in her hand, she’d be busting out of that jet this very moment.

“You did?” She manages to ask in a choked, strained voice.

Mockingbird hums.

“She taught me and Hill to fly when we were still at the Academy. May was a very close friend as well.”

Carol doesn’t know what to do with all these brand new informations. 

Friends, that Maria had.

A life, that Maria had built.

Experiences, that Maria had lived.

Carol feels herself suffocating, and the only thing that keeps her grounded are cold fingers closing in on her wrist.

Carol looks down at long, slender fingers, darker than her skin, but lighter than the ones that have touched her with a similar care and worry in the past.

Carol looks up, and it takes her a second to recognize Brunn.

“Focus on the flight ahead, Mockingbird.” She commands after a few, painful moments of silence.

“Aye, Captain.”

Carol takes a deep breath, and Brunn releases her grip on her wrist.

  


They land in the middle of the night, and the place is just as Carol has found it.

Empty. Green. Hopeful. Full of promises.

Carol loses track of Valkyrie and her men a few minutes after switching off the jets, and she finds herself with nothing much to do.

The SHIELD team has experience in dealing with this sort of situation, apparently, because they set to work with the Asgardians almost immediately.

Carol looks around, spotting Monica in the crowd.

“Mom gave me the blessing to use her callsign as mine when I joined SHIELD.” Is the first thing Monica says, almost apologetically.

Carol nods.

“It suits you.”

Monica shrugs.

“Maybe. It felt right at the time. Now...” she sighs, sniffs, looks up at the sky. “Now not so much.”

Carol nods again.

“I get it.”

And she does.

She does.

  


Carol walks helplessly among Asgardians and humans and if it wasn’t for the eagle on their uniforms, Carol wouldn’t really know how to tell the difference between humans and Asgardians.

She hopes this will just mean an easy integration for these aliens on Earth.

  


*** 

  


Brunn works non-stop for what feels like weeks.

Maybe it is, maybe it’s just a couple of days, maybe it’s just a handful of very long hours.

She doesn’t know for sure.

She knows that at some point she forgoes her armour in favour of a pair of what Terrans call jeans, and a hoodie.

She knows that, little by little, the SHIELD agents start to leave, one quinjet at the time, until only two are left.

Two blonde women, with superhuman strength and seemingly never ending energy, stay behind to do the heavy lifting.

Brunn observes Captain Marvel fly left and right, helping where she can and lending a word of support when her hands fail.

She observes her working without ever taking a break, and she wonders how she must’ve been before losing herself to this awful war.

  


One early afternoon, as Captain Marvel and Brunn are discussing whether or not to ask Thor for advice on the new dock they’re building, Mockingbird approaches them to say goodbye.

Brunn grabs her forearm with a grateful nod.

“Where to, next, ‘bird?”

Mockingbird grins.

“Please. It’s just Bobbi. We’ve put up enough outhouses with our bare hands to be this formal still.”

Bobbi looks between the two of them and the grin saddens.

“I’m going back to see how Natasha is holding up.”

Her gaze softens as she looks at Captain Marvel.

“We lost a Maria, too.”

Brunn briefly wonders if she’s talking about the Maria Hill that Thor has told her about in the past, but her attention is mainly on the Captain.

She’s noticed how on edge she gets whenever someone mentions or alludes at her, Brunn assumes, past lover.

But Carol sighs, with a hint of sadness and understanding.

“Please hug Agent Romanoff for me, Bobbi. I’ll come check on the situation before leaving Earth.”

Mockingbird -Bobbi- just nods, a cheerful smile back on her face. She seems unable to keep the positivity away, and Brunn is both admired and annoyed by it.

“Thank you for letting me help.” Bobbi says, before skipping away toward her quinjet.

Brunn and Captain Marvel watch her start the plane and lift into the air, darting away in a series of perfectly executed barrel rolls.

Captain Marvel chuckles and Brunn turns to look at her.

Her eyes are bright and nostalgic as she looks back at her.

“Maria definitely taught her how to do those. She was the best pilot I’ve ever met, and she performed the best rolls in the Air Force.” 

For once, Captain Marvel doesn’t look haunted, or close to a breakdown, and Brunn admires the sharp angle of her jawline and the way something in her lights up when thinking about this Maria.

Brunn remembers feeling this way, a long time ago.

“Wanna have a drink?” She blurts out before she can stop herself. “It’s Asgardian liquor. It’ll knock you on your ass.”

Captain Marvel lets the memories wash away and turns to look at the sky for just a brief moment.

“That sounds great, actually.”

  


They find themselves outside one of the remaining tents the Asgardians are still using, a bottle of liquor in each of their hands, and small talk flowing easily between them, memories of planets they’ve visited and people they’ve met.

Brunn lets herself relax and plays with a hole in her jeans.

“So. Leaving Earth, I heard?”

Captain Marvel takes a long swig of alcohol before answering.

“I have people to help out there. Planets that don’t have the Avengers to put things back together.”

She shrugs.

“Besides, aside from my daughter, there’s nothing left for me here.”

Brunn feels a pang of pain and sympathy for this woman who has lost everything, and she knows exactly how she must be feeling. She nudges her.

“How ‘bout a friend?” She dares saying with a smug grin.

Captain Marvel laughs in her bottle, a lighthearted laugh that’s made easier by the alcohol.

“Yeah, I could use one of those.”

Brunn softens at the way the Captain smiles at her and she chastises herself. A crush is not a way to start a friendship. Especially not a crush on a woman who’s just lost the love of her life.

She raises her bottle to her lips.

“Brunnhilde.” She says.

Captain Marvel turns to look at her, confused.

“It’s my actual name.” Brunn explains. “But if you ever use it, Imma kick your ass to Kallu and back.”

Captain Marvel grins, a shit eating grin that tells Brunn she’ll be using that name alright.

She shoves her with her free hand, and Captain Marvel tumbles off her foldable chair onto the grass.

They both bark out two identical laughs, made easy by the alcohol in their blood.

When the silence falls back between them, it’s a comfortable one.

“My name’s Carol.” Captain Marvel says, with something in her voice that Brunn doesn’t exactly recognize. “Captain Carol Danvers, of the United States Air Force, the original Avenger.”

Brunn lifts her bottle in a cheer.

“I’ll drink to that mouthful.”

Carol smiles at her and Brunn’s heart skips a beat.

  


They pass out under the stars, empty bottles next to them and a growing complicity between them.

Carol leaves the morning after.

 

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeere we go! Thank y'all for the comments and the welcome, let me know what you think of this one.
> 
> Carol remembers what she was always fighting for.  
> Brunn is proud of her people.  
> They both wear jeans in this one.
> 
> [Unbeta'd]

CHAPTER TWO

Carol skips between planets across the galaxy at an ungodly pace, helping rebuild where Thanos’ army has reached and aiding the people who need to reconstruct new societies, new habits, new lives.

She rarely stops, knowing that if she does, memories will catch up to her.

She works through grief by not working on it at all.

She knows it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but she also knows it’s the best she can do, for now.

She stays away from Earth for six months, but eventually makes her way back to find Monica.

Her daughter is doing what she is not being able to do: facing her losses and actively seeking professional help to understand how to move on.

Yet, it’s a hard process. Even the therapists have lost their fair share of people, while many others have been wiped out by the Decimation.

But Monica makes it work. 

When Carol lands outside her apartment in Brooklyn, Monica greets her with a soft smile and an even softer hug.

Carol throws her uniform on the floor and showers for what feels like hours, before joining Monica and her fiancée for dinner, where her daughter asks all about the other planets Carol has visited.

“Cap and Tasha are talking about raising a memorial site in some of the main cities around the world.” Monica says when it’s just the two of them, on the balcony, a beer in hand and their eyes trailed on the sky.

“Seems like a nice idea.”

Monica sighs.

“It is. With less people to worry for, all the governments around the world are suddenly having more funds to provide for their countries.”

Carol sees the twisted irony of that thought as much as the next person.

“It’s horrible, isn’t it?” She chuckles, dryly.

Monica hums.

“How are you holding up, ma’?” She asks after a while.

Carol simply shrugs.

“I’m not.” It’s her honest answer. She can lie to everybody around her, she can even lie to herself, but she can’t lie to her daughter. 

“Everywhere I look there’s desperation and helplessness. Everywhere I turn I think I’m seeing her face, and my heart stops every time.”

Monica sighs, sadly.

“I get it. Happens to me, too.” She murmurs. “I was at the grocery store the other day and I saw a glimpse of a woman rounding the isle... And I chased her down to find out that she wasn’t, in fact, Mom.”

Monica shakes her head.

“She was very nice about it, though. She said she’d done the same thing a week ago with a child that reminded her of her son.”

Carol feels an icy chill running down the spine.

She can’t imagine the pain of a mother who has lost her child.

She instinctively reaches for Monica’s hand and holds it tight in her own. In the absurdity of all that mess, she thanks God that Monica is still with her.

Monica squeezes her hand in understanding.

“Give yourself time, ma’.” She whispers. “It’ll get better.”

 

Carol jumps from one country to the other to go check on some SHIELD bases in the United States, stopping in Colorado to oversee the USAFA activities and assist to the tryouts for the new Thunderbirds.

She looks at three women pilots getting their well earned spots in the team and steps to them to offer her greetings.

They salute her with a proud and admired smile on their faces.

“Captain.” They say, and they’re not saluting her as Captain Marvel, the Avenger; but as Captain Danvers, the pilot.

Carol is stricken by that realization, and she suddenly remembers what Maria had told her almost twenty years ago, in a small kitchen of a farm in Louisiana.

_You supported me as a mother, and a pilot when no one else did. You were the most powerful person I knew, way before you could shoot fire from your fists._

She shakes the pilots’ hands and congratulates them on their success, Carol realizes that Maria might be gone, but her legacy is alive in these women and in a lot of young girls across the world.

Maria might be gone, but her accomplishments and her victories are not, they live on in each woman she’s opened the way for.

_You hear me?_

Forgetting that would be forgetting what Maria had always fought for, until the very end. What Maria had been ready to die for.

_Do you hear me?_

A world where people could live in harmony, equality and acceptance.

As she soars the skies over the USAF base, Carol looks down and decides she will continue what Maria has started.

“Higher, further, faster, baby.” She whispers to herself and her lover.

 

Natasha is doing great.

As great as anyone can do with what they’ve got, anyway.

But Natasha has regrouped the Avengers and has given them a purpose, and is now the official head of the Mansion.

When Carol walks inside what is now Avengers HQ, Natasha is on a holoconference with the raccoon, the blue chick and the pilot guy.

She waits for the call to end before walking out the shadow to greet Natasha. What starts as a formal handshake becomes a hug in the span of seconds.

Carol breathes in her friend’s smell and she realizes something else.

She has more than just Monica here on Earth. She has friends. She has a chance for a new start.

 

Natasha updates her on what’s happening around the world and out of it.

She confides there is a sort of ninja assassin on the loose, but when Carol offers to track them down, Natasha shakes her head.

“No. It’s alright. I’ve got Bobbi and Rhodes on him. We know who he is.”

Carol doesn’t prod, but she understands there’s another big trauma laying there.

“I’m sorry.” She says, and although she doesn’t know what she’s sorry for, Natasha seems to appreciate the feeling.

“It’ll be alright. We’ll be alright.” She answers, and they don’t know where the truth ends and the lie begins.

 

After having saved him from outer space, Carol hasn’t seen Tony Stark anywhere, but she hears he has retired somewhere in the countryside with his girlfriend.

She briefly considers going to find him, but decides against it when she realizes they’re still too broken and too similar for a similar encounter to go well.

 

So instead, she flies in the only other place on Earth where she can find a good friend, a good chat and a good drink.

 

***

 

In six months, Brunn and her men have managed to build an entire village from scratch.

They have visited the surrounding areas and made friends, both politically and not.

They have fixed the plumbing system thanks to the help of one of the nearby town.

They have bought fishing equipment in exchange for manual labour from another.

They have set up a thing called the internet.

Brunn is proud of her people, although they haven’t been her people in years, because of her self exile and her time spent drowning herself in one drink after the other.

But she’s here now, and she works hard to make up for what she hasn’t been able to do before and during the Ragnarok.

So when Thor locks himself in his house at the top of the hill, her people turn to her for advice and for the biggest decisions, and Brunn leads them with pride.

New Asgard grows slowly under their relentless hands, and Brunn finds herself smiling more often.

She’s always the same woman, with a grating attitude and an even sharper wit, but her people love her.

Kids are still scared of her, running in the opposite direction when she so much looks at them.

Today, a five year old boy whose legs still can’t run very fast, sprints screaming toward his mother when Brunn blinks in his general direction.

“Making new friends, I see.”

Brunn makes a one-eighty spin on her heels at the sound of a voice she hasn’t heard in six months.

Carol is smiling down at her, perched over a brick wall at the corner of the market area.

She’s wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a leather jacket, her hair collected in a messy ponytail.

“Gotta find them, somewhere, since the old ones keep disappearing on me.”

Brunn grins and skips over to her, and Carol is in her arms before either of them realizes they’re hugging.

They step aside with an awkward chuckle, Carol scratching the back of her head.

“It’s good to see you, Brunn.” She says with a half smile.

Brunn nods, because Odin knows how nice it is to see a familiar face of someone who doesn’t need her to be the leader of the situation.

“Good to see you, too, girl. You look...” she hesitates, trying to find the right word for what she sees. “...Fresh.”

It’s a new term that she’s learned from the plumber girl who’s fixed her hut, and she feels it works for the situation.

Carol is still Carol, the tension of the weight of the world on her shoulders always present, and the sadness behind her eyes always evident.

But she also looks more at ease, calmer, with a new resolution in her gaze.

Carol nods.

“Yeah, something like that.” She admits, then gestures to the village around them. “You’ve been busy.”

Brunn shrugs, hands shoved down the pocket of her jeans.

“You do what you gotta do.” She just answers.

Carol nods, and Brunn knows it in her bones that Carol can understand how she feels.

Then the blonde grabs a backpack from where she’s left it on top of the brick wall, and rummages through its content. She produces two big, slender bottles filled with a bright blue liquid.

“Can I offer this round?”

Brunn’s smile is so bright that she feels she could light up New Asgard.

“If you’re ready to be drunk under the table, Captain.”

Carol’s eyes shine at the challenge.

“Oh, it’s so on.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liking what you're reading?  
> Yay! I liked writing it!  
> Come to my ko-fi and let's get a coffee together!  
> ( https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus )  
> Me and my kitty thank you! <3


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeere we go! Sorry, I've been busy with school, but I'm hoping to select a day to publish. I have chapters ready until number eight, so it's really a matter of posting them.  
> Once again, thanks for being here, let me know what you think and don't forget to check the notes at the end!
> 
> Carol starts healing and gets a haircut.  
> Brunn keeps crushing and gets a pet.  
> They're both queer disasters.

CHAPTER THREE

 

It becomes a thing.

Carol visits Earth once every couple of months, stays as long as that.

Her first and last stop is always Monica’s place in Brooklyn, and Carol heals a bit more every time she sees her daughter smiling at her.

Checking in on Natasha is always the second stop, and the two exchange both galaxy updates and bounce ideas back and forth on how to lead the Avengers. Sometimes Steve Rogers join them, always awkward. Some other times it’s Bobbi, always cheerful.

Some other times it’s just them, and Carol appreciates Natasha’s quiet friendship as much as she does Brunn’s loud one.

And Brunn is the third stop she makes, alternating between bringing a new bottle of liquor from outer space or drinking some of Asgard’s old reserves.

In the first couple of years, it’s mostly them getting shitfaced with this or that bottle of alcohol, not caring about the awful hangover that they will inevitably get the morning after.

But with time, the alcohol becomes just an excuse, a background pleasure, and Carol starts to look forward to those days she gets to spend chatting with her friend.

Brunn makes her laugh. She makes her forget, for a few, hopeful hours, of everything she’s lost, and of everything that she leaves behind every time she departs from Earth.

Brunn has no filter whatsoever, and whereas Natasha sometimes tiptoes around difficult conversations, Brunn dives right in.

Carol doesn’t feel like she has to hide her pain, her loss, her demons.

Brunn shares some of her own and, most importantly, she never judges.

So it becomes a thing.

Their thing.

Although pretty much everyone knows about it.

  


“I don’t think the murderous hag is dead, to be completely honest with you.”

Carol, her tongue poking through her teeth, turns the controller like it can help her character on the screen avoid the obstacle.

When Coco crashes in one of the TNT, she releases a frustrated growl.

“Why not?” She mutters, passing the controller to her friend.

Brunn wipes her hands on her jeans and shrugs, starting her round.

“Don't know, really. Mostly the fact that a piece of crap like that woman seems too damn stubborn to die.”

Brunn is too focused on trying not to jump Coco’s tiger in one of the holes to notice her wincing.

Carol reaches for her beer.

Like many other times before then, the striking similarity between Brunn’s way of expressing herself and Maria’s hits her like a brick.

It’s happened several time before, and every time Carol’s heart has skipped a beat or two.

When she doesn’t answer right away, Brunn sends her a quick side glance.

“Did I say something?” She asks, and all the questions are closed in that little, innocent one.

Because Brunn knows. Of course she does.

They’ve learned to know each other pretty quickly, and it’s another reason why Carol likes her so much.

Sometimes, when it all becomes just too much but she doesn’t know how to express it, Brunn is there, and Brunn doesn’t need for her to say anything.

She just gets it.

Carol sighs, then shakes her head.

“I just miss her a lot.” She admits, and she feels her heart constrict.

It’s not too painful of a squeeze. It’s nothing like the heartache she would get even just two years ago, where everything was just too hard to handle, where it felt like the world was closing in on her, where panic attacks were almost a daily occurrence.

It’s still painful, and the memory of Maria leaves often a tight throat and burning eyes, but at least now is somewhat manageable.

“Yeah, I get that.” Brunn hums after a while.

Carol kicks her feet on the coffee table, careful not to knock down the bowl of chips they’re snacking on.

“Does it ever go away?” She asks her.

“Nope.” Brunn promptly responds, her eyes trained on the tv. “It gets easier, sure. Takes time. But it never really goes away.”

Coco and her tiger dart past the last enemy and jump into nothingness.

When they land, two gems and a relic appear in front of the character.

Brunn looks smug as hell when she passes back the controller.

“Now, _that’s_ how you do it.”

Carol shoves her with a laugh, and Brunn grabs a handful of chips before continuing.

“I mean, man, don’t get me wrong. It’s painful as hell, and sometimes I wish like I could get all those memories of her out of my damn mind, and it’s been centuries.”

Brunn shrugs.

“But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t have it any other way. This pain reminds me that she was real. That what we had was real, that what I felt was real. Makes sense?”

Carol simply nods, because it does.

She understands what Brunn is saying and she agrees.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t have it any other way either.”

Brunn smiles sadly at her, placing a hand on her knee and squeezing in understanding.

“It’ll get a bit better, though. You’ll stop feeling like every damn thing I say is what she would say if she was here and stop crying like a baby.”

Carol scoffs in mock outrage.

“Excuse you, I do not cry like a baby.”

Brunn snorts in her beer.

“Do, too.”

“Do not!”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, sweetie.”

Brunn winks at her and Carol sputters.

She might be grieving, but she’s not blind.

Brunn is attractive.

No, that’s a lie.

Brunn is _smoking_ hot, and she has that playful and respectful way to almost flirt with her to ease the situation back to a comfortable zone, and Carol sometimes doesn’t know what to do with herself.

Maria had always been the more aware of the two of them, the one taking the first steps, the one with the upper hand.

It’s a similar feeling with Brunn, and in the past she’s thought whether or not she liked Brunn because she was so similar to Maria, but a bit of time with her has proven her thoughts wrong.

Brunn is outspoken and direct and brutally honest just like Maria was, but she’s a way lesser patient person than her lover was.

Maria had the ability to see through her bullshit and still wait for her to be honest with herself and speak the truth out loud.

Brunn still manages to see through the bullshit and calls her out on it, almost forcing the truth out of her.

Maria was ambitious, and stubborn, and relentless in getting what she wanted; she could plan a full month ahead of her and never miss a step.

Brunn is still a headstrong bastard, but she lives each day as it comes, hating schedules and programs and plans.

In their similarities, Maria and Brunn are two very separate people in Carol’s head, but she knows with certainty that they would’ve gotten along.

 

***

 

Brunn loves having Carol over for whatever time the woman manages to stay for.

It’s fun to be around the Avenger, and she knows that the hours spent playing Crash Bandicoot on her couch or taking barefoot walks down the shore with her are not effective ways to get rid of her growing crush, but she can’t help herself.

She enjoys Carol’s company and she finds herself waiting for her next visit.

Carol never disappoints, anyway. 

Whether it’s a new bottle of some awful tasting liquor or a story from a faraway galaxy, Carol always brings a wave of fresh air and novelty in a life that makes her happy, but that sometimes weighs on her shoulders more than she’d like to admit.

  


One day, a spring morning three years after the Decimation, Carol greets her at the market with a smile that screams mischiefs.

Brunn studies her friend’s face with skepticism. She hasn’t seen her in almost five months. And that’s probably the longest time they’ve been apart of the past couple of years.

“Innocence is not a good look on you, Captain.” She drawls. “What did you do?”

The guilty grin splits Carol’s features and Brunn has only so much time to calm her racing heart before Carol steps aside to reveal something that’d been hiding behind her.

Brunn’s breath catches in her throat.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” She exhales.

But the Pegasus foal is right in front of her eyes, kicking the dirt and neighing soft, confused noises, the wings folding and unfolding nervously on its back.

Brunn is on her knees in front of the animal before she can fully realize what’s happening. She extends her palm and the Pegasus sniffs her for a couple seconds, before pressing its nose against her hand.

“He’s approximately a year old. Give or take.” Carol is saying. “I found him in a deserted planet, living with some other wild animals and a Kree shepherd, if you can believe it. I offered to take him off his hands and he seemed more than happy to give him away.”

Brunn is only half listening to the explanation, her focus completely taken by the colt.

The Pegasus keeps rubbing his nose against her palm and Brunn takes it as a sign to keep petting him. 

Her fingers trail between the soft, white hair of his mane, and the Pegasus releases a happy neigh.

Brunn feels her heart in her throat, and she looks up to Carol.

And Carol is staring back at her, arms crossed on her chest and a soft smile dancing on her lips.

Brunn feels a wave of contrasting emotions rushing over her.

Gratefulness, shock, affection, hope, wonder.

And the way Carol keeps looking at her certainly doesn’t help her agitated heart.

“Carol... I...”

Carol finally lowers her eyes on the ground. She kicks the dirt much like the Pegasus is still doing and shakes her head.

“It’s the least I could do.” She says, before biting her lower lip -Brunn swears that woman is going to be the death of her- and looking back up.

“I have no idea what Pegasi can eat of what Earth provides, but I do know they shit a lot. You’re welcome.”

Brunn laughs so hard that the Pegasus accidentally head butts her in surprise.

  


It takes them a solid week to put together a stable and a suitable environment for a growing Pegasus, but once the job is done, Brunn has her new friend pacing happily in her backyard, and is the proud owner of one of the few Pegasi left in the galaxy.

“Really, Captain.” She says as she watches the colt stick his nose in a bush. “I don’t know how to thank you enough for this.”

Carol chuckles, blowing a strand of hair off her face and stopping midway.

“Actually...” she starts, with a glint in her eyes. “I have an idea.”

  


And Brunn finds herself with clippers and scissors, standing behind her friend.

“This is terrifying.” She growls, feeling the clippers angrily vibrate in her hand.

Carol snorts.

“You’ve faced the Goddess of Death and this is what terrifies you?”

Brunn tries to think of a witty response, but all she can say is a heartfelt: “Yep!” To which Carol laughs even harder.

Brunn scoffs, still without moving a single muscle.

“Hey.”

Their eyes meet in the mirror in front of them. Carol smiles.

“I trust you.”

Brunn grits her teeth and takes a deep breath through them. Oh, Gods.

“Here goes nothing, I guess.” She spits out, nearing the clippers to Carol’s hair.

  


“Well, that doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would.”

Brunn is cleaning the remainder of blonde hair out of the blades, but she still stops to throw an exasperated look at Carol.

“You thought it was going to look bad and you still did it?”

Carol grins, without moving from the mirror where she’s still studying her new look.

“What can I say? I’m an impulsive woman.”

Brunn shakes her head.

“You’re an idiot, that’s what you are.”

Carol sticks her tongue out in response.

“You were surprisingly good at this.” She says instead. “I guess that’s why I thought I was gonna look awful. What if you’d chopped away half of my good look?”

Brunn forgets about the clippers and turns to look at Carol.

“Ah-ha. Unfortunately I couldn’t chop off half of your ego, or I would’ve.” She bites back.

Carol giggles.

She honest to the Gods giggles and Brunn has to take another deep breath.

She decides the wisest choice is to focus back on the clippers.

“With the Valkyries we sort of had to do everything ourselves, yenno?” She starts, clearing her voice. “We were sorta like a sisterhood, and we helped each other out with everything. From training, to our hair.”

Clippers finally clean, Brunn puts them back in their case, wiping her hands on her jeans.

“That’s pretty cool.”

Carol is leaning against the sink, her fresh hairdo already messed up by her constant touching and prodding.

Brunn rolls her eyes.

“My Gods, come here.”

She steps up to her and pushes her fingers through light, blonde hair, fixing the waves in a less shapeless appearance. 

Her fingers trail down the sides where Carol had wanted to shave, and she feels the spikiness of her new buzz.

She slowly drops her hand.

Carol doesn’t move.

For a moment, neither of them speaks.

Then...

“How do I look?”

Carol’s voice is no louder than a whisper, and if Brunn wanted to read into it, she could find a whole load of emotions that she wouldn’t know how to place.

They’re so close Brunn can physically feel the warmth that Carol’s entire body irradiates.

She swallows.

“Great. You look great. Captain.” She blurts out.

Carol licks her lips and Brunn wants to fling herself out the window.

“Well. Thanks. For the haircut. I really needed a change.”

Brunn clears her voice and steps back.

The moment she does, it feels like the air has been returned to the room, and she can finally breathe normally.

“Thank you. For the Pegasus.” 

Carol smiles, turning again to look at the mirror, and her gaze goes far away from where they are.

Brunn knows what she’s wondering even before Carol has to ask it. So she answers.

“Maria would’ve loved it.”

Carol’s head whips around at an inhuman speed.

“You think so?” She asks, almost anxiously.

Brunn nods, and laces her fingers with Carol’s, squeezing them.

“I know so.” She assures. “I’m damn good at what I do, who do you think I am?”

Carol laughs, the ghosts in her eyes dissipating once again.

She squeezes her fingers back, and Brunn can’t ask for more than this.

Carol, her company and her healing laugh.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liking what you're reading?  
> Yay! I liked writing it!  
> Come to my ko-fi and let's get a coffee together!  
> ( https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus )  
> Me and my kitty thank you! <3


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi is out of her mind, Natasha is tired, Brunn allows herself to feel and Carol fucks it up.  
> Monica is probably still the smartest person in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY! My computer went to get repaired and the new chapter was on it. That teaches me to make back ups.  
> Hopefully you're still in for the ride, cause stuff happens!

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Brunn finds herself pursued by a fisherman of a nearby village.

He’s cute, and funny, and young.

He’s respectful and never asks more than what Brunn is willing to give, both physically and emotionally.

He’s clearly way more invested than she is, but she finds the fun of flirting with someone who doesn’t expect strings to be attached.

It’s been too long since she’s slept with someone, and her heart is a betraying bastard, wanting a woman she clearly cannot have, so she gives into it.

They sleep together a couple of time, and it’s nice and warm and fun. Not the best sex she’s had, but a nice enough experience that she is not opposed to it becoming a recurring thing.

Brunn knows that her coping mechanisms are not the healthiest, and she feels awful if she thinks about it enough, but she prefers to get to a point where she might break this poor guy’s heart rather than risk her friendship with Carol.

  


She gets called in by Natasha one afternoon of midsummer, and she finds herself nervously waiting for a quinjet to bring her to the United States.

Thor is the one who was supposed to face the journey, but he’s in no condition to travel, let alone make decisions that could impact his people and their newfound home.

And yet, when the SHIELD quinjet lands and Mockingbird steps out, she doesn’t look surprised to see her.

In fact, it’s almost like she’s expecting her to be there.

“Ready to go?” Bobbi cheerfully asks.

Brunn grunts, glancing back only once to New Asgard.

Her people have assured her they’ll be fine, and yet she can’t help being concerned.

But she straightens her shoulders and follows Bobbi up the ramp.

  


“How are things, Valkyrie?”

Brunn props her feet on the jet’s dashboard, shrugging.

They’ve talked about the reason of the mission already, and about what everyone else is doing around the galaxy. Brunn, Monica and Natasha are the only ones who actually keep in touch with Carol, so Bobbi asks about her whereabouts as well.

“Usual. Nothing much has changed. We’ve got a couple new babies in spring, but that’s about it.”

Bobbi hums.

“What about Captain Marvel?”

Brunn’s head whips around.

“What about her?”

Bobbi is facing ahead, but a knowing smirk appears on her lips, and Brunn knows she’s screwed.

“How are things between the two of you?”

“They’re... fine.” Brunn answers slowly.

Bobbi clicks her tongue and doesn’t respond, but after a couple of seconds Brunn groans.

“Is it that obvious?”

Bobbi chuckles, lifting a couple commands and letting the plane fly itself. She lowers her headset and turns her whole body to face Brunn.

“Not really.” She admits. “But I’ve always been particularly observant. And you just spent ten minutes talking about how funny she is and how much you enjoy the days she comes to visit and I swear I thought you were about to puke rainbows.”

Brunn frowns, not completely sure what that’s supposed to mean, but Bobbi waves her hand between the two of them.

“Not the point.” She clarifies. “But you know it’s alright, right? I know a thing or two about wanting people we should not want at all.”

That sparks Brunn’s attention.

Bobbi is funny and easy going, ready to chat about everyone and their mothers, but she’s very private about her own life.

Natasha has once told her that Bobbi has seen more shit in her thirty years of life than humanity has seen in centuries.

But Brunn has also learned not to ask about someone else’s business unless they show an intention to share.

“We’re talking about love or sex?” She asks with a wiggle of eyebrows, clearly giving Bobbi a way out of the conversation.

Bobbi laughs and winks back at her and Brunn swears blondes will be the death of her.

“Gods, probably both. Clint’s always been tremendously good in bed.”

Brunn racks her brain to try to remember who Clint might be, because she’s certain that Thor has talked about him at some point.

“Clint Barton? Hawkeye?”

Bobbi hums, turning back to look at the clear skies ahead.

“That’s the guy. We were married once. Or twice. Details are a bit blurry.”

Brunn almost wants to ask how can details be blurry about a marriage, but she decides that some questions are better left unanswered.

“What happened, then? Did you catch him cheating?”

Bobbi scoffs, but with a soft smile on her lips.

“I wish. That would’ve made it easier. But we were too much for each other. We loved each other intensely, but we were two hurricanes clashing. Sometimes love is just not enough. Sometimes fire and fire just don’t mix well together.”

Brunn meets Mockingbird’s impossibly blue eyes and sees ghosts dancing behind a smile.

“I still love him. But he moved on, and fell in love again, and I’m truly happy for him, you know? She’s good for him, and he deserves happiness, and a second chance.”

Brunn swallows, many thoughts swirling in her head.

She turns around to look out the window, where  the skyline of New York is appearing between the fog and the clouds.

“Why are you telling me all this?”

Bobbi toys with the headset for a few seconds, almost like she’s pondering what answer to give.

“Because you deserve happiness, too. You deserve a second chance, and so does Captain Marvel.”

Bobbi shoots her a look.

“Loving someone is not a crime, Brunnhilde.”

Brunn narrows her eyes toward Bobbi, whose smug smile of knowing her real name has reached epic proportions.

“I’ll think about it.” She responds. “Barbara.”

Bobbi’s head whips around.

They stare at each other for a couple long seconds, before blurting out at the same time:

“Romanoff.”

Bobbi laughs and swirls the plane in a series of rolls that have Brunn almost throw up her breakfast.

  


Brunn enjoys the rest of the trip in silence, contemplating what Bobbi has told her.

There’s no doubt in Hel that she has it bad for Carol, and she’s grateful Bobbi has promised not to tell anyone about it.

Brunn thinks they might even become friends.

The girl is clearly out of her damn mind, but she’s smart and she’s good company.

What she has told her keep echoing in her mind, and Brunn is still convinced she shouldn’t wish for anything to happen between her and Carol, but she starts to doubt whether or not she has the complete picture on the situation.

Because the way Bobbi has talked about it, it’s almost like she believes that Carol might feel something in return.

But then they land in the big Avengers Mansion’s park, and Natasha is there to greet them with Carol at her side, and Brunn sorts of forgets about the conversation entirely.

  


***

  


Carol squeals when Brunn steps out of the quinjet, throwing her arms around the other woman’s neck with a laugh.

Brunn groans in faux annoyance, but her smile betrays her.

Carol hasn’t seen her in a month or so, and it feels like it’s been way more than that.

Even when she’s out, in space, she notices objects or sees people or experiences things or visits places and she has three thoughts one after the other.

Maria would love this, and Monica would laugh at this, and Brunn would absolutely hate this.

She doesn’t know when Brunn has become part of her line of thoughts, but she is not too bothered by it.

They’re really good friends, best friends even, and Carol doesn’t think too much of why she feels warm and fuzzy every time she gets to see Brunn.

Natasha smiles a tired but sincere smile and greets Brunn with less hugs and more handshakes, but Carol can tell Brunn is happy to be here, and Natasha is happy to have her.

They wait for Mockingbird to step out of the plane, and she’s the one Natasha hugs.

Bobbi whispers something in her ear and Natasha snorts in her shoulder.

When the two turn back to Carol and Brunn, Natasha’s face looks slightly less tired.

Bobbi throws an arm around her shoulders and kisses the top of her head.

“Ugh, get a fucking room, you two.” Brunn groans, and Natasha rolls her eyes.

Carol swats her on the arm.

“Be nice.”

Brunn scoffs, turning to look back at Bobbi and Natasha, who are now walking in a full bear hug, risking to trip on their own feet.

“You’re right. Get a fucking room, please.”

Bobbi’s laughter is the loudest, but it’s Brunn’s one that warms Carol’s heart the most.

  


The meeting is held in the same room where Carol has met Natasha for the first time, four years ago, and whoever is not present in person is there with a holographic version of themselves.

Nebula and Rocket -Carol is fairly certain those are the right names- are somewhere around Alpha Centauri, and the connection is absolute shit, but Nebula rarely speaks anyway, and Rocket’s words are mainly insults, so it’s not too much of a loss.

Rhodes is in a classified country on Earth, while Steve Rogers, Monica and Melinda May have managed to make it to the Mansion.

May is representing the outer space division of SHIELD, updating them quickly on the station they’re building next to one of Earth’s satellites.

Monica, representing both NASA’s contacts and SHIELD’s ground operations, shuffles next to Carol the moment she walks in the room.

Mockingbird is there apparently because she’s bored of her old mission and needs a change of air.

Brunn is there only to represent Thor, but everyone still greets her and shakes her hand like they’re friends.

Carol can see the confusion on Brunn’s face and brushes the back of her friend’s hands with her fingers.

Brunn wiggles her fingers without looking at her, in a childish fight between their hands.

Carol barely contains a chuckle, instinctively lacing her fingers with Brunn’s.

They exchange a quick smile and keep their hands locked all throughout the meeting, under the table.

No one notices except for one person.

Monica tilts her head in her mom’s direction as understanding starts washing over her.

  


Once the meeting is over, Carol, Brunn, Bobbi, Natasha, Monica and May find themselves sitting on the couches in one of the Mansion’s room with wine, beer, pizza and chips.

To everyone’s shock, Bobbi and May are actually bantering over whether or not vegan cheese on pizza is a thing. No one’s heard Melinda May talking quite this much, and once again Carol wonders what kind of power Bobbi has over people.

When they realize that the room’s attention is on them, they turn to look at the rest of the group, and May finally brings her beer to her lips.

“I had the misfortune of training her when she was at the SHIELD Academy.”

Bobbi pokes her on the side.

“We had fun. Me and Maria used to drive you crazy.”

Carol blinks in confusion, before she realizes they can’t be talking about her Maria.

May proves her point.

“Please, Hill was an excellent recruit. You were just out of your mind.”

Natasha chuckles and nods.

“She hasn’t changed much.”

Bobbi sticks her tongue out at her and Natasha blows her friend a kiss.

“Still, a genius.” Mockingbird counters.

May sighs and raises her bottle.

“Still, a genius.” She concedes.

  


The rest of the night is spent chatting, relieving old memories, sharing thoughts and remembering those who are gone, and Carol looks around the room.

The pain of her loss will never leave her, she knows that, now.

Maria’s thought will always bring a sting of pain and sadness to her heart, but it’s gotten easier.

All those women around her have supported her and loved her throughout those years, and she is glad for what she’s found.

She catches Brunn watching her and smiles softly in her direction.

“You okay?” Brunn mouths from across the room.

Carol nods, and Brunn’s frown smoothens out.

Bobbi chooses that moment to belch like a sailor.

  


Little by little, everyone excuses themselves.

May is the first one to leave, ordering Monica to get a good night rest: they apparently have a joined mission tomorrow.

Monica rolls her eyes but doesn’t dare disobey Melinda May’s order, so she quickly hugs everyone goodbye, kisses her mother’s cheek and catches a cab to her place.

Natasha is drunk enough that she tries to outdrink Bobbi, with the latest laughing at her useless attempts.

“How are you not even tipsy?” Carol asks when Bobbi hauls Natasha on her shoulder fireman style, with the same ease she would with a bag full of feathers.

Turns out, drunk Natasha is a sleepy Natasha.

“Super Soldier Serum.” Is Bobbi’s answer. “Accelerated metabolism and all that crap. I can’t get drunk and I need to consume at least five thousands calories a day.”

Brunn is as surprised as Carol, at least.

Bobbi just winks.

“Story for another time.”

Then takes the door and disappears inside the Mansion.

  


The two of them strike a deal for just one more beer before calling it a night.

Brunn has been trying to cut her alcohol intake for the past couple of years now, and although she still enjoys the liquor Carol brings from outer space, she doesn’t want to walk the line too often.

Carol updates her on what’s been going on around the galaxy, of rumors of weird energies shaking the planets’ cores. She doesn’t know what it is yet, but it seems like it’s expanding.

Brunn seems lost in thoughts, but Carol doesn’t really press it. She keeps the conversation’s topics light and unimportant, letting Brunn answer with hums and scoffs to whatever she actually manages to listen.

After a while, when silence falls between them and their beer bottles are almost empty, Brunn shuffles on the couch.

“Where’s your head at?” Carol murmurs.

It’s a more than enough innocent question, but they both know what it hides.

Carol has told her about the way Maria always managed to drag her out of her head with those five words.

Carol has told Brunn a lot of things about Maria, and in turn Brunn has told her about her dead lover.

“You think they’re shagging?”

Carol is suddenly taken out of her reverie by the most random question of the night.

“Who?”

“Bobbi and Natasha.”

Carol bursts out laughing, before she realizes that Brunn is being serious.

“What? No!” She exclaims. “Do you?”

Brunn seems to consider it for a few more seconds.

“I don’t know. I mean, it wouldn’t be that weird.”

Carol shrugs, dangling the beer in front of her eyes.

“I guess not.” She admits. “But they just seem too close, if you know what I mean. More like sisters. And Bobbi seems... I don’t know, I don’t think it’s on her radar, right now.”

Brunn nods, and Carol has the feeling that her friend knows something that she doesn’t.

“They definitely shagged in the past, though.”

Carol grins, kicking Brunn’s thigh with her bare foot.

“Definitely.”

She’s not as quick as she thinks, and Brunn manages to grab onto her foot before she can pull it away.

Carol’s eyes widen.

“Oh, don’t you da-“

Her protest is cut off by her own squeal, just as Brunn starts tickling the base of her foot.

“BRUNN.”

Brunn is laughing like a madman, and Carol does her best to get out of her vice.

She kicks out toward the coffee table, but the force she puts in the movement ends up dragging Brunn with her leg.

The Asgardian groans as she finds herself sprawled on the floor, and Carol doesn’t really think before sliding down the couch to attack her with some tickles of her own.

They fight each other for a few long, giggle-filled seconds, Brunn managing to partially equal her in strength.

Until somehow, and Carol is not exactly sure how, Brunn switches their positions and pins her on the floor.

“You’re a piece of shit, Captain.” Brunn pants, a smug grin coloring her features.

Carol’s breath itches in her throat.

Brunn’s eyes are bottomless and beautiful and so very close.

The warm and fuzzy feeling she usually gets around Brunn has suddenly multiplied to a level that she’s never experienced before.

Carol would like to blame the alcohol, but she’s drunk only half a dozen Terran beers and she knows she’s not even close to being tipsy.

But Brunn is right on top of her, still panting, her thighs pressing on her sides, her warm hands on her shoulders and a grin on her face and Carol’s brain short circuit.

She grabs Brunn by the back of her neck and drags her down, kissing her firm on her lips.

For a moment, everything stops.

Brunn moan gets chocked in Carol’s mouth and Carol’s hand freezes on the back of her neck.

And then, both of them press harder into each other, their hands everywhere, tangling in each other’s hair, moving on the other’s waist.

Carol’s whole body arches against Brunn’s, and both women gasp in surprise at the shock of pure electricity that passes between them.

They kiss like they didn’t know they wanted this so badly, like nothing else matters except what’s happening right now, on the floor of Avengers Mansion.

Carol feels alive, she feels wide awake and drunk at the same time, and she barely remembers how long it’s been since the last time she’s felt this way.

Carol’s short nails dig into Brunn’s scalp and Brunn parts their lips to whisper a breathless: “Carol...”

  


And that’s where everything breaks.

Carol’s eyes shoot open, and reality violently sets in.

Her whole body freezes, and pain and guilt and shame fill every drop of blood in her veins.

Brunn must see that something is wrong, because she immediately drags herself on her heels and anxiously scans Carol’s face.

“Carol?”

Carol scrambles to her feet, her hand covering her lips and her eyes filling with tears.

“No.” She whispers, and her breath catches in her throat, but not in a good way.

All of a sudden, the loose T-shirt she’s wearing feels too tight on her chest, and her throat doesn’t let any air filter through it.

“Carol!” 

Carol hears Brunn’s voice like it’s coming from miles away, and her whole body ignites.

“No.” She repeats, as energy starts flowing through her body.

She takes off without even considering using a door, boring a hole in the roof of the Mansion and shooting away at the speed of light.

Brunn is left behind, her heart racing and fingers touching her lips.

  


Carol crash lands outside of Monica’s door, miscalculating the force she should put into the action and accidentally tumbling down two more floors.

By the time she reaches the right one, Monica is already there, her gun at the ready and her Pokémon pjs to greet her at the door.

“Ma’!” She hisses. “What the actual fuck?”

Carol stumbles the last few steps that separate her from her daughter and Monica’s angered expression falls.

“Ma’? Are you okay?”

Carol doesn’t know if it’s what she says, or the way she says it, or how Monica reminds her so much of her mother in this dim light, but it’s what it takes to make her crack.

She starts sobbing on Monica’s front steps and only her daughter’s strong arms prevent her from collapsing on her knees.

“It’s okay, mama.” Monica whispers, worried but strong. “I got you. I got you.”

  


Carol finds herself on Monica’s couch, a blanket on her lap and a much older Goose staring at her from across the living room.

Carol is too busy trying to win the staring contest with her former pet to realize that Monica has returned with a mug full of hot cocoa and marshmallow.

“Mom’s recipe?” Carol asks when her daughter presses the mug into her hands.

Monica nods, settling on the other side of the couch.

“The best of the best. Although I’m not sure I got it right. Something is still off.”

She sighs.

“It’s okay, though. No cocoa is ever gonna be as good as Mom’s.”

Carol can only nod in agreement.

Monica tilts her head.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Carol debates whether or not pretending that everything is okay, that she’s just tired, that everything will be fine in the morning.

But she just crashed in her daughter’s apartment at three in the morning, and she owes her the truth.

Plus, it’s not like she’s managed to learn how to lie to her daughter, anyway.

“I kissed Brunn.” She croaks, her voice threatening to break.

To her utmost surprise, Monica nods.

“Okay. Then what?”

Carol almost drops her mug in the rush to turn to look at her daughter.

“What do you mean ‘then what’?”

Monica waves a hand between them.

“I mean, then what? Then what happened that got you all screwed over like this? Did she not kiss you back?”

Monica makes a face.

“Or she did and she’s a terrible kisser? ‘Cause that would be probably worse, to be completely honest with- Why are you looking at me like that?”

Carol sputters, not believing what she’s hearing.

“How are you so cool with this?”

Monica frowns, bringing her cocoa to her lips and then hissing when the scalding liquid burns her tongue.

“Should I not be cool with this?” She asks, sincerely confused. “Did you want me to not be cool with this?”

Carol blinks.

Once, twice.

She clears her voice, and shakes her head, and leans to put her mug on the coffee table.

Goose immediately gets up from his perch and jumps on the mug, starting to sniff it.

Carol turns to look at her daughter.

“But... But your mom...”

Finally, understanding washes over Monica’s features.

“Ah.” She exhales. “I see.”

She puts the mug down as well and shuffles on the couch until she’s knee to knee with her mother.

“Ma’... Mom’s been dead for four years now.”

Carol swallows.

She knows. Four years, five months, eight days. Well. Nine now.

There hasn’t been a day she hasn’t thought or missed Maria.

“I know that.”

Monica’s voice is soft, understanding, gentle.

“You’re allowed to move on. To feel things for other people.”

Carol closes her eyes, squeezing them tight to keep in the tears that threaten to come out.

“I’m still in love with Maria, though.” She whispers.

Monica hums.

“I know. Honestly, ma’. A century could pass and I doubt you would be even a little less in love with Mom than you were thirty years ago.”

Carol takes a deep breath, opening her eyes to look for her daughter.

“Isn’t it wrong, then? To like someone else while I still love your mother?”

Monica’s head moves from side to side, as she ponders how to answer.

“Not really, no. Mom’s gone, and she would’ve wanted you to be happy. To live a fuller life and to let yourself be loved the way you deserve to. Wouldn’t you want the same thing for her, if she was here instead of you?”

Carol nods.

She would.

She would hope for Maria to be happy, to be loved and understood and cherished. 

She would want a person like Brunn for Maria.

Carol would want the world for Maria, and even more than that.

“It’s just so hard to allow that for myself, y’know?” She murmurs.

Monica smiles, slipping her fingers through her short blonde hair.

“I do. But I heard you talk about her and I saw the way you two are around each other. And it’s amazing to see you smile again like that, after all that’s happened.”

Carol leans her head against Monica’s shoulder, and lets herself be hugged tight.

  


Once the hot cocoa is finished and Goose is fed his own share of marshmallow, Monica stretches her arms above her head and gets up.

“I’m gonna try to catch a couple more hours of sleep, or May is going to kill me if I doze off during the mission.”

Carol grimaces. She wouldn’t want to be at the receiving end of Agent May’s wrath for all the credits in the galaxy.

That woman is outright terrifying.

“You can stay as long as you need to.” Monica tells her as she kisses her forehead. “But you gotta talk to Brunn before you leave Earth again. I don’t imagine you left things in the best way.”

Carol groans, as memories hit her with full force. She definitely needs to apologize. And then talk to Brunn about what’s going on.

Just the thought of the other woman is sending a wave of both shame and warmth through her body.

“Aye, aye, Lieutenant Trouble.”

Monica shakes her head with a smile and switches off the lights.

“Love you, ma’.”

“Love you, too, Monica.”

And when the silence falls on the apartment, a wet little nose presses on Carol’s cheek.

Carol lifts her blanket.

“Love you, too, Goose.”

The Flerken slithers inside and curls up under her arm.

“ _Mrrreow_.”

  


Monica is gone by the time Carol wakes up.

She leaves, and the next time she hears from her daughter, it’s for Monica to tell her that she’s called off her engagement.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked what you read?  
> Yay! I like writing too!  
> But I also gotta pay the bills so if you like, head to my ko-fi and let's get a coffee together!  
> ( https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus )  
> Me and my kitty thank you! <3


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the notes at the end.
> 
> Carol puts on her grown-up hat.  
> Bobbi is a great friend.  
> Monica is still the smartest of the lot.

CHAPTER FIVE

 

By the time Carol lands back at Avengers Mansion, Brunn is gone.

 

Carol looks for her everywhere, goes as far as asking Natasha if she’s seen her, but her friend clicks her tongue and shakes her head, downing a questionably healthy amount of coffee in one single gulp.

“Do you know why there’s a Carol-shaped hole in the ceiling of our living room?” Natasha asks, and Carol grimaces, running out the door before her friend can stop her.

Bobbi is nowhere to be found either, so Carol takes a chance on where they both might be and takes off to Norway.

 

***

 

Brunn hasn’t said a word to her the entire night of flight, after she’d thrown Bobbi out of bed to ask her to fly her back.

To her credit, Bobbi hasn’t asked a single question regarding what might have happened.

She’d only taken a long look at her face and nodded, gathering her belonging so quickly that Brunn had wondered how often Bobbi had had to do something like this.

Leaving the safety of her house for some unknown mission. Driving a jet across the globe to help a friend.

Brunn wants to ask, but she also doesn’t want to talk at all.

Bobbi is quiet even when they walk out the jet into New Asgard, dodging questions and greetings, joining her in her apartment.

Brunn goes straight for the compartment in her living room where she stashes the good, old, Asgardian alcohol, and it’s only then that Bobbi speaks.

“No, sport.” She murmurs, gently but firmly praying the bottle out of her fingers.

Brunn tries to complain, she’s just about ready to headbutt her friend and take the bottle back, when Bobbi hugs her.

Brunn is so taken by surprise that, for a moment, not a single muscle in her body moves.

But Bobbi’s arms are strong, and safe, and she smells of lavender and Brunn can’t really hold back for much longer.

Her body melts against her friend’s, so unaccustomed to this kind of physical contact but so grateful for it.

She doesn’t cry. 

She’s quite good at numbing the pain, the guilt and the shame. She’s quite good at pretending that nothing is happening, that nothing has ever happened.

She’s good at pretending to be okay.

But Bobbi’s hug feels good, she’s taller than her and she’s enveloping her nicely, and Brunn hides her face in the woman’s shoulder and squeezes her eyes shut.

 

“You’ve got an admirer?”

Brunn pokes her head out the door of the kitchen to look at what Bobbi’s holding.

And she’s holding a flower composition, way too big for something that should’ve been casual.

Brunn sighs and groans.

“Yeah. A guy I slept with, I think. He didn’t really get the no strings attached memo.”

Bobbi’s eyes widen in comprehension and she joins her in the kitchen to toss the flowers in the trash can.

Brunn looks at them, knowing that she’ll have to end things with this boy, but thinking that maybe, maybe, she could do just one more night.

Just to get her mind off of things.

She turns around to watch as Bobbi puts up a pot of hot water.

“Pasta?” She asks. “Or quinoa?”

She doesn’t even wait for an answer before grabbing a box of pasta from the cupboard.

Brunn is grateful for this random, weird woman who’s cooking in her kitchen and overall being an amazing friend.

Bobbi is yapping about a dog she apparently has in her apartment in New York, a corgi named Ka-Zar, when someone knocks at the door. 

Bobbi trots to the entrance, leaving Brunn in charge of the pasta, and she can hear her opening the door and cheerfully greeting whoever is there.

“Hey Brunn?” 

Bobbi pokes her head in the kitchen with a mischievous smile on her face, and Brunn’s heart falls in her chest because she gets a pretty clear idea of who’s in her house.

“I’m gonna go destroy Thor at Fortnite. Be back in a bit.”

And without another word or explanation, she leaves.

Brunn squeezes the kitchen spoon with so much force that the wood cracks.

She takes a deep breath, her eyes focused on the boiling water, before looking up to the entrance of her kitchen.

Carol stands, her hands awkwardly pushed inside the pockets of her jeans, a leather jacket that’s seen better days and a pair of aviators propped over her short hair.

“Hey.”

Brunn shuffles on the spot, leaning against the counter and trying to pretend that everything’s okay.

She’s so good at pretending, after all.

“Hey, back.”

Her voice doesn’t break, doesn’t waver, it’s flat and emotionless and even Brunn wants to wince at how detached she sounds.

Carol nods, looking down at her boots.

“I, uh... I’m sorry for last night.”

Brunn straightens up.

“Sorry for kissin’ me or sorry for running like a coward?”

And wow, that is definitely not what she’d wanted to say.

Carol looks like she’s been slapped in the face, but she blinks, swallows, and nods again.

“I mean, I guess I deserve that.” She chuckles nervously, her fingers trailing up her neck, almost looking for the long hair that hasn’t been there for a long time.

Brunn clears her voice. She should be apologizing, but at the same time she is the one who’d gotten left behind in all that mess.

“Listen...” she starts, passing a hand between her hair. “I get it, you know? You’re still grieving and I should’ve known better. Like, I’ve known better for the past few years so, really, it’s not like it’s a surprise.”

Carol, who had looked like she’d wanted to interrupt her, now is looking at her like she has suddenly grown two more heads.

“What do you mean you’ve known?”

And okay, Carol’s always been a little clueless, but certainly even she must’ve noticed how whipped Brunn’s always been around her.

“Carol, I’ve had it bad for you basically since the moment I met you.” Brunn says, slowly.

Carol’s jaw goes slack and nope, she had definitely not noticed.

“Are you serious?”

Brunn opens her arms, exasperated.

“Are you?!”

Carol sputters, passing her hand through her hair as well, forgetting she has sunglasses still perched on her head and knocking them on the floor.

Brunn instinctively moves forward, collecting them from the ground and straightening up in front of her friend.

And uh, maybe that wasn’t the right move.

Carol is still looking at her, but together with shock there is something else coloring her features.

A bit of hope, a bit of sadness, a bit of regret.

Neither of them moves.

Not away from each other, that is.

Both their gazes keep moving between the other’s mouth and eyes, and Brunn swallows.

This is definitely not what she was thinking was gonna happen.

“Carol, why are you here?”

Carol blinks.

“Because I really like you.” Is the answer, and Brunn’s heart stops.

She really can’t believe that this is happening, that Carol is really there, standing in her kitchen, telling her that she likes her.

There must be a trick, there must be a catch.

“But...?” She asks, her voice so low and hopeful and broken that she barely recognizes herself.

Carol’s eyes fall again on her lips.

“There... There’s not really a but.” She admits, tentatively brushing her fingers over the back of Brunn’s hand. “Just... Let’s just... Take it slow?”

Brunn can’t believe her ears. 

Maybe it’s because her heart is hammering so fast and hard against her chest that she finds it hard to believe that this is all really happening.

But then Carol leans forward, and her lips brush gently against hers, and Brunn throws caution out the window and kisses her back with a lot more energy.

  


They forget about the pasta, and only Brunn’s quick reflexes and Carol’s already burning hands save the pot from burning completely over the stove.

Carol stands there, with a fuming pot full of a disgusting mush that once was pasta, not wearing any sort of oven mitt, looking at her like she has no idea of what she’s doing.

Brunn snorts and starts laughing so hard that she gets the hiccups.

  


They end up on the couch, a couple of peanut butter and jam sandwiches in their hands, their feet tentatively brushing under their shared blanket.

Carol is distracted, her eyes wandering around the room without really focusing on something specifically, and Brunn is starting to get impatient. Not that she ever was a patient person.

“So. What changed your mind?”

Carol flinches, almost like she’d forgotten that she was even there.

She shoots her an apologetic smile, picking at the lint of the blanket. The plate is on her lap, sandwich still untouched.

“When we kissed...” she starts, stopping, wincing and shaking her head. “When I kissed you. It felt good. It felt amazing, actually.”

Carol shrugs.

“I didn’t even know I wanted it that much before I actually did it, to be completely honest with you. But... I felt guilty.”

Brunn nods, without interrupting, although she begins to realize where this is going.

It’s not like she hasn’t been there herself.

“I want you.” Carol waves a hand between the two of them. “Clearly. But...”

Brunn nods again.

“Maria.” She finishes.

Carol looks at her, and suddenly Brunn feels much older, she feels the weight of her centuries on her shoulders, and understands that, whereas Carol only has had a few years to get used to losing her lover, she’s had almost a millennia before falling for someone again.

“Maria.” Carol repeats. “I’m still very much in love with her.”

Brunn taps her fingers on her leg, nervous despite herself.

“That’s never gonna change, Captain.” She tells her. “You’re always going to be in love with her.”

Carol watches her carefully, before grabbing the plate and moving it to the coffee table.

She shuffles closer to her, finding her hand and squeezing it tight.

“Yeah. I’m not even going to pretend that this might change. But I also feel stuff for you, and it’s pretty deep, and I really want to give this a try.”

Brunn swallows.

Something in her brain is telling her that this could go wrong in so many different ways she can’t even count them. That it’s risky, and she could lose a friendship and herself.

Brunn knows that when she loves, she loves deeply. 

But Carol, right there?

She’s looking at her with ghosts in her eyes that Brunn knows all too well. With pains and sorrows and wars, and a little bit of hope.

She never really listened to her brain anyway.

She nods.

“Let’s give this a try, then.” She says, and Carol’s smile is worth every doubt that she could possibly have.

Brunn chuckles.

It will take a while for her to get used to feeling this way again.

Loved, wanted, cared for.

“So you got all that from a kiss, uh?”

Carol laughs, both her hands laced with Brunn’s.

“Maria always said I was the most clueless person around.” She says with a cheeky grin. “That I needed for someone to beat the truth in my brain with a baseball bat. Guess she wasn’t wrong after all.”

Brunn shakes her head.

“I would’ve liked Maria. A lot.” It’s the only thing she can say.

She does sound like the kind of woman who would have given her a run for her money.

Carol smiles, softly, and Brunn knows she’s smiling at the thought of Maria.

But she also knows, deep in her heart, that now that smile is for her, too.

“Yeah. She would’ve liked you, too.”

 

***

 

Carol leaves soon after.

She gets a call from Natasha regarding the weird energies that are moving around various planets and she sets a rendezvous point to meet up with Rocket and Nebula.

Carol stares at Brunn, arms crossed and a smug smile on her face, leaning against the door of her hut, and she can’t help but lean in and kiss her, lingering on her lips and committing to memory what she’s feeling.

She’s lost someone once. She’s not gonna take it all for granted again.

  


The Solar System seems to be doing fine, but the three planets on Wolf 1061 are shaken to the core by whatever this energy seems to be.

Carol, Rocket and Nebula can only watch from the Benatar as the planets themselves vibrate, and part of their surfaces cracks.

“That’s not good.” Nebula comments, with the same emphasis as if she was talking about a rainy day.

Carol shoots her a glance, but Rocket seems as nonplussed as she is.

“No shit.” It’s his only answer.

“Do you think this could be another consequence of the Decimation?” Carol asks after a while.

Nebula and Rocket shrug.

  


Carol makes it as a point to go back to Earth as much as she can, spending time with Brunn or Monica or the both of them together.

The latter is an experience that Carol would only describe as awkward, at least at first.

They go for dinner after a meeting at the Mansion, and Monica is completely relaxed, as if she goes around with her mother and her mother’s new girlfriend -partner? Companion? Carol’s not sure what they are- all the time.

Brunn is a bundle of nerves, and she copes with it by being even more snappy than she usually is.

Carol is mostly silent, watching with dread as Monica tries to carry on a conversation.

They’re halfway through dinner, with Monica who has gone from describing her latest spacecraft to whatever Mockingbird is up to in the Appalachi, when Brunn slams her fork onto the table.

“How are you so calm and okay with this?” She almost growls.

Carol flinches, bringing her glass to her lips. Monica barely looks up from her plate.

“You two are made for each other.” She comments, and Carol chokes on her water.

“You’re dating. Ma’ likes you, you like her. I don’t see what the problem is.”

Once again, Carol sees a lot of Maria in her daughter and loves both of them even more for that.

Brunn’s hand closes in a fist.

Carol is tempted to place a hand over it, but thinks better of it, knowing that it would probably make the situation worse.

Luckily, Monica seems to notice the tension as well. She puts her fork down.

“Listen, Valkyrie.” She says, soft but stern, meeting Brunn’s eyes across the table. “I’m not an idiot. I’m not a child either, despite what my mother here still seems to think.”

“Hey!”

“What I’m saying is, I don’t resent any of you for falling for each other. Mom was and is irreplaceable, but I think everyone at this table knows that. You’re not replacing anybody. You came in as a new part of this family. Ma’ is happy around you, and that’s really all I care about.”

Carol can see with the corner of her eye Brunn’s fist slowly loosening.

Monica nods and Brunn, after a couple of seconds, nods back.

Monica smiles at the two of them, picking her fork up.

“That said, if you hurt her, I’ll murder you.”

Carol’s jaw goes slack, and Brunn, Valkyrie of Odin and second in command of New Asgard, grins and lowers her head.

“Yes, ma’am.”

  


After that, dinners with Monica happen every time Brunn has to make her way to the States. Whether Carol is present or not, she knows that Brunn and Monica go out and try to get to know each other.

Carol knows they’re mainly doing it for her. But she is grateful and secretly really glad.

  


“Kid’s smart, you know?”

Carol huffs out a breath, her arms starting to feel the ache of the strain.

“I do. Maria raised her. But can we talk about my wonderful daughter after I put down this thing?”

Brunn, from the dock, cleans her hands on a rug and crosses her arms, staring smugly at her.

“Why? I enjoy watching you all hot and bothered.”

Carol sputters, and she damn nearly loses her grip on the wet wood.

Brunn snorts and Carol just gives up, placing the giant boat back in the water, certain that the maintenance work is over.

Brunn keeps laughing like a madman as she goes below deck to check that her repairs are holding up.

Carol floats midair, watching her go with the softest of smiles.

It’s been five months since that fateful kiss, and four since dinner with Monica, and Carol is starting to get used to this new life.

They’re getting closer to the fifth anniversary of the Decimation, and she knows that she’ll have to start going further and further into space if they want to have any chance to finding out what’s really happening.

But for now, and for the next few months, she allows herself to be where she wants to be. 

On Earth, with her daughter.

On Earth, with friends she loves and cherishes.

On Earth, with a woman who has just belched so loud that it resonates through the dock and who is going to make dinner tonight for the both of them.

  


They spend the rest of the afternoon working, Carol flying around the hill to save a sheep that’s gotten herself lost, Brunn aiding her men for the new delivery of ale and supplies from one of the other villages.

They team up during the midafternoon sparring sessions with the few warriors left in New Asgard, then Carol runs around with the village kids while Brunn responds to her people’s questions and claims.

Carol can see what Brunn still really doesn’t see.

The way her people talk to her. The way they look at her. The way they trust her.

Thor might be the King of New Asgard by name, but Brunn is their Queen in their hearts.

  


“So what’s going on up there?”

Carol sighs at the question. She wishes she could have an answer, but really all she has are theories.

And none of those theories seem to make sense anyway.

“Not a clue.” She answers, honestly. “Rocket and Nebula radioed in three days ago to let Natasha know that two of the three planets of Wolf 1061 have cracked like eggs.”

Brunn looks up from her Pegasus wing, that she’s gently brushing, with a frown.

“Gone?”

Carol nods, gravely.

“Turned to ashes.” She confirms. “Whatever this is, it can’t be good.”

Brunn goes back to combing Aragorn’s wings, a pensive look on her face.

“Well, fuck.” She mutters eventually.

Carol just nods, joining Brunn and the Pegasus and grabbing the comb for his long, white mane.

She’s watched Brunn taking care of Aragorn enough that she knows what to do and how to do it.

And Aragorn is now grown almost full size, a beautiful, strong animal that, Carol is certain, absolutely hates everyone except for Brunn.

Carol suspects he lets her take care of him only because she’s Brunn’s companion, but she doesn’t know what would happen if it was only the two of them.

The last time it’d happened, the stare he’d given her had been enough for Carol to walk away from him.

They work in silence, speaking only to ask the other to pass this or that comb, and by the time they’re done grooming the massive Pegasus, the sun is about to set.

They walk back inside, tired but content, and Carol can see the smile that’s playing on Brunn’s lips.

She thinks back to when she’d met her the first time.

Brunn used to crack jokes a lot then, too. But it was different.

She was a woman who’d just lost half of her people and was being forced into taking care the remaining half, together with a King who wasn’t exactly the master of cooperation.

Now, Brunn seems happy where she is. Genuinely happy, loving to get up every day and go to sleep every night. Struggling, feeling good and bad things, but happy. Healing.

“Whatcha staring at?”

Carol blinks, back to reality.

She is staring at a curious Brunn, and she must’ve been doing so for longer than she imagined.

“Just you.” Carol winks, and they both know it’s not smooth at all.

Brunn scoffs.

“Cheesy.”

Carol laughs, poking her partner in the stomach and then darting around her to run to Brunn’s room -the room they share-, ready to get her dirty clothes in the hamper, shower and collapse on the couch for the night.

“I shower first!” She yells.

Brunn grabs her by the waist, trying -unsuccessfully- to drag her back.

Carol remains where she is, simply chuckling like an idiot, not moving toward the bathroom but not moving away either.

“You snooze, you lose.” She says, matter-of-factly.

Brunn looks at her like she’s suddenly grown a second head.

“What does that even  _mean_?”

Carol finds herself laughing even harder, because sometimes she forgets Brunn is not from Earth, and her face at some of the expressions are downright hilarious.

She throws her head back, tears in her eyes for how much she’s laughing, and they’re tumbling back inside the room in a series of squeals.

Brunn trips over her own feet, still holding onto Carol’s waist, and Carol barely manages to catch the side of the sink before both of them end up with their ass on the floor.

They’re still laughing when Brunn kisses her, messy and happy and without a care in the world.

Carol snakes her arms around her neck, keeping her closer, pressing harder against her.

In a few second, they go from laughing to panting, their hands touching everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Brunn’s leg presses in between Carol’s and she releases a loud moan.

A second later, Brunn is taking a step back, pushing away from her.

She points a finger at her, with heavy breath and messy hair.

Carol holds on to the sink for dear life, her own breathing quite laboured.

“I better.” Brunn starts, blinking back up at her. “Go. Better go. Taking it slow.”

Carol has a split second to decide, but there’s no uncertainty in her voice when she says:

“I didn’t mind.”

Brunn stops, a step already out the door of the bathroom, braced against the frame.

“Carol.”

Carol reaches for her, grabbing the nearest hand and pulling Brunn to her.

“I’m sure.” She tells her, and she is. She wants this.

Brunn kisses her, and Carol kicks the door closed and stops thinking.

  


Carol stays on Earth for three weeks, which is probably a record.

She commutes between Monica’s, the Mansion and New Asgard.

Once it’s clear that Natasha doesn’t really need her, only giving her sporadic updates about the mission Bobbi is carrying on in the Bermuda Triangle, she goes back and forth between her daughter and her girlfriend, staying with one at night when she’s back from work and flying back to help Brunn during the daily tasks.

It’s more taxing than an actual vacation should be, and both Monica and Brunn force her to take some time to sleep.

Carol doesn’t really complain, especially not when she has her daughter getting a hit chocolate ready for her for when she wakes up, and her girlfriend threading her fingers through her short hair as she naps.

  


And when Carol gets ready to leave for Earth again, knowing that she’ll have to stay away for a while, she does so with peace of mind.

It’s really a kind of life she could get used to.

  


Carol gets ready to leave New Asgard, only one stop planned to say goodbye to Monica, and she waits for Brunn to hurriedly pull her jeans up her thighs.

She stares at her from the bedroom door, and seeing Brunn in those skinny jeans makes her want to delay her departure by another hour or so, because those legs are truly something that shouldn’t be legal...

“Get that thirst off your face, Captain. If you’re late to see your daughter before she goes to work, Monica will want my head.”

Carol’s eyes snap into Brunn’s, only to find her grinning like an idiot.

“Whatever.” She pouts, turning on her heels and storming out the house.

She hears Brunn cursing as she jumps into her boots, and she can’t believe she’s found someone who’s even more disorganized than her.

Maria would’ve had a field day with this.

Carol smiles at the thought and closes her eyes, turning her face to the sky.

It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining and New Asgard is already moving in the soft lights of the morning.

Brunn elbows her hard in the ribs and Carol huffs, pushing her by the shoulder in return.

Brunn tumbles a couple feet into the grass, and Carol snorts.

She helps her out, Brunn’s lips already on hers for a goodbye kiss.

“See ya in a few months?” Brunn eventually asks when she steps away.

“Seems like it. Sooner if I can. But it looks more like it’s gonna take me a while.”

Brunn nods, taking a step back and dropping her hands in her jeans.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Carol shoots her a glance as she fixes her gloves. After weeks without wearing it, it almost feels weird to get back into it.

“That doesn’t exclude a lot of stuff.”

Brunn grins.

Carol shakes her head with a smile on her face.

She turns around, summoning her powers. 

Her body starts glowing, the sheer energy coming back from deep within her.

“Carol?”

She turns her head. Brunn is looking at her with a strange intensity in her eyes.

“Love you.” She mutters.

Carol feels her energy warm up even more, the power within her nearly exploding to the feeling that those two words create in her.

She nods, and Brunn nods back.

They both know she’s not ready to say it. 

Carol thinks that probably Brunn doesn’t even believe that she’s there yet.

Carol doesn’t know.

But maybe.

Maybe.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I won't mince words. I'm out of a job because immigration is... Well. Really f*cked. I'm broke. My money is going into feeding my cat. I'm hungry.  
> All I can do, for now, is write, keep doing what I love, create art and emotions.  
> So if you wanna spare a couple bucks for a coffee, well... It's appreciated.
> 
> My ko-fi is here: https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus
> 
> Thank you for reading, and don't forget to love each other <3


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyy for the late update. Hopefully this will make up for the wait.
> 
> Endgame happens.  
> They win some and lose some.  
> Some retcon of the movie happens too.

CHAPTER SIX

 

Brunn doesn’t exactly know when things start happening.

Her life has been going on as usual, Aragorn has grown to his full size and she’s been taking him around to fly at least once a week for the past three months now.

She hasn’t seen Carol in forever, but Natasha’s called her just the other day to tell her that she had to prolong her trip to Achernon because more than half of the volcanoes had suddenly started to erupt. Natasha hasn’t really seemed too preoccupied, up until Brunn had told her that Achernon is a planet made 70% by volcanoes.

Whatever is happening in outer space is nearing the Solar System, and from Bobbi’s latest report, Brunn knows that there’s shit moving underneath the surface of Earth as well.

Bobbi is being staying with her since she’s been back from the Bermuda Triangle mission.

Brunn doesn’t really understand what Terrans seem to believe the Bermuda Triangle is, but she knows she’s rarely seen Bobbi speechless, so whatever is hidden down there must absolutely not come to the surface.

Even by being clearly half traumatized by whatever she’s seen, Bobbi is still bouncing around the village helping everyone she can, getting into Thor’s hut through the window at least once a day to do Gods know what, and spending the evening cooking fabulous dinners that Brunn really isn’t accustomed to.

She’s not that great of a cook, and Carol most definitely isn’t one, so it feels special to walk into her house at the end of the day to find a full course meal that Bobbi has whipped up while watching -and yelling at- the Bachelor.

Brunn enjoys her friend’s company.

They bicker all the time, throwing stuff at each other like infants, trying to one up the other in burps competitions and almost usually ending on the floor chatting about gruesome wars and past experiences.

Bobbi’s much more of a fun sparring partner than anyone of her warriors because the former Avenger is, indeed, a killing machine. She is on Brunn’s level under every aspect and Brunn doesn’t have to worry about holding back for fear to hurt her, because Bobbi is an actual Super Soldier.

It’s different than sparring with Carol, too.

One, because Carol has the tendency to cheat her way through and use either her powers or her full strength.

Two, because Bobbi and her don’t end up making out halfway through each session.

And tonight, Bobbi has managed to land a good blow on Brunn’s jaw, so she knows she’ll be sore as Hel tomorrow.

She doesn’t particularly mind, really.

She’s learned a trick or two from Bobbi, and that’s exciting enough.

She’s thinking maybe she’ll be able to actually land a few hits on Carol, whenever she comes back.

They’re chatting over the stir fry that Bobbi has made when the phone rings.

Bobbi answers immediately, her focus shifting over whoever is on the other side of the line.

“Are you sure it’s him?” She asks. “No. Yeah. Of course not, who do you think I am?”

The answer must be hitting close to the truth, because Bobbi winces with a guilty smile and says “Okay, touché.”

There’s a long pause, during which Bobbi’s expression softens.

“Breathe, Nat. It will be okay. I got you. You take care of Scott, and I’ll come pick you up whenever I get Clint’s exact location.”

Bobbi hums, and there’s something in her eyes that Brunn doesn’t really recognize.

Not in Bobbi at least.

Something akin to fear.

When Bobbi closes the call, Brunn has already packed her dinner, and Bobbi hugs her quickly.

“We have reason to believe Clint is in Tokyo. But then Scott Lang just turned out to be alive, and we thought he was dead after the Decimation, but he’s been stuck in the Quantum Realm this whole damn time.”

Brunn understands half of the words that her friend just said, but nods nonetheless.

“Let me know if I can help.” She says anyway, and Bobbi winks at her before running out the door.

  


It’s just a few days before Hulk, her old friend, comes to visit.

Brunn is quite disturbed by what Banner is now, not knowing exactly what to do with his new form.

She directs them to Thor’s hut, knowing full well that only Mockingbird has really managed to do some good for him in those past five years.

She, herself, has failed him.

But she, herself, has been a drinker for the majority of the last few centuries, so she can’t really blame the guy. And by not blaming him, she knows she is in no position to help him the way he needs to.

Brunn watches in awe as Professor Hulk and Rocket drag Thor out of his hut and back to the ship, then silently walks back to her own place and unties Aragorn.

She mounts the majestic creature with one swift movement and takes off toward the ocean.

  


It’s no more than two weeks later that something happens.

Brunn is having a normal evening after a normal day, just like any other, when someone comes violently knocking at her door.

Suspecting an emergency, and already anxious about Thor still not having returned, she runs to the door.

In front of her, is someone she has never met before in her life.

Her gaze flickers to where she has her sword, Dragonfang, just a few feet away from the door frame.

“Who in Hel are you?”

The guy is smaller than her, but something tells Brunn that she would have trouble defeating him.

“Follow me, quick.” He says. And he takes off.

Brunn grabs Dragonfang and runs out, forgetting for a moment that she’s still in her jeans and T-shirt.

But by the time she realizes she’d be an easy target, her eyes fall on her people, who are gathered in the market area, and her breath catches in her throat.

Because it’s her people alright, and it’s  _all_ of them.

She recognizes the faces of some of the ones she’d lost in the Decimation, the same faces that had haunted many of her dreams for the past five years.

For a moment, she thinks she’s actually still dreaming.

But the man who’s knocked on her door is still there, and he’s urging her to get ready, he’s urging her to gather her men.

Brunn doesn’t understand.

She really doesn’t.

She has no clue of what’s happening, except that five years ago the Universe was halved and now it’s not anymore, and if the Snap had been reversed then they can be alright again, then Carol can come back home and-

“You have to move, Valkyrie.” The man says, and his fists are glowing, but not like Carol’s do. They have strange orange disks sprouting from them.

And he says: “Thanos is already here.” 

And Brunn’s back straightens and her grip on Dragonfang strengthen.

Suddenly, she’s not Brunnhilde of New Asgard.

She’s not the woman who’s spent the past few centuries drinking and mourning.

Suddenly, she’s Valkyrie of Asgard, leader of the Valkyrior, chosen by Odin himself to defend his reign.

She has failed once to protect her home.

She knows in her heart it’s not going to happen again.

“ASGARD.” She roars, and Asgard listens.

“Ready your weapons. We go to war.”

  


Brunn runs to grab her armour.

On her way out the door, she stops.

She looks back toward her backyard.

She grins. Then runs around from the back door and finds Aragorn already kicking in his impatience.

“My boy.” She says.

  


When she rides back to the market, Wong opens a portal through a war zone, and Aragorn steps through it with spread wings, a handful of raging Asgardians right behind their Queen.

  


The battle is bloody, and chaotic, and brutal, and violent.

Brunn hasn’t fought like that in centuries, but her body knows the motions, she remembers every swing of her blade, every twist of her hips to help Aragorn move out of the way of danger.

Her stallion is young and absolutely terrified by this first experience of war, but he’s determined and fierce and brave in his fear.

If she asks him to fly head first into danger to break the enemy’s defence, that’s what he does.

If she pushes him to go catch a falling kid holding a giant, very powerful gauntlet, Aragorn doesn’t disappoint, and he’s there to hold both Valkyrie and Spider-Man on his back, carrying them out of danger.

Brunn is proud of her stallion, and she doesn’t hold it against him when Thanos’ forces assault them, tackling them to the ground for a brief, terrifying second.

Brunn is winded, her breath momentarily gone, she has blood all over her armour, hair and sword, and she’s lost sight of the kid.

She sees a pair of enemies trying to assault her Pegasus and she screams in rage, lowering Dragonfang onto their heads in one swift movement.

Around her is Hel on Earth.

She spots Rocket getting in the line of fire to protect someone she assumes must be his friend.

Fire is coming onto their heads directly from the ship above them and Brunn doesn’t think they can make it.

But then.

  


Then the fire stops hammering down their heads.

Everyone stares as Sanctuary II’s blasters all look up. To the sky.

No, Brunn thinks as a knowing grin splits her features.

Higher than that.

Further than that.

And way, way faster than anyone has ever seen the sky moving.

  


It almost happens in slow motion, right in front of their eyes as Carol, as  _Captain Marvel_ flies through the outer atmosphere and straight into Thanos gargantuan ship, cutting through it like it’s made of water. 

But it’s pure metal and wood and whatever other hard element the space has created, and Captain Marvel is blasting with her whole body through it all, exploding in a flash of lights and colours from the other side, then breaking just enough to go back and pass through it again.

Brunn roars in awe, in happiness, in love, in admiration.

Her scream gets lost in the wave of cheers coming from the Avengers, all of them.

“That’s my bitch, you fuckwads!”

Brunn turns around to see Mockingbird standing on a pile of dismembered enemies, wearing a tactical suit that once must’ve been white and black, a tacky belt with an M in the front and a weird yellow mask that Brunn really doesn’t understand the appeal for.

“Fuckwads?” Brunn repeats with the same grin, energy and hope and vibrations running through her body.

Bobbi laughs and winks and blows her a kiss, before hopping down the pile of Chitauri and heading back into the fight.

Brunn turns to see Aragorn already standing next to her and she mounts him.

She can see Carol has landed not too far away from them, and Aragorn is already flying in that direction together with, apparently, every single woman the Avengers can count on.

“Don’t worry.” Brunn hears a young, red-dressed young woman say.

“She’s got help.” Okoye says, and Brunn swings her sword up to her shoulder.

Tony’s wife, who she later learns is Pepper ‘Rescue’ Potts, lands right after that.

Natasha Romanoff follows suit, with Mockingbird.

And then a green looking girl with antennas and a chick with insect wings and honestly Brunn could keep looking but her focus is on Carol.

On Carol, who must sense she’s right behind her as they step toward Thanos’ raging army, because she turns her head just slightly and smiles at her.

Brunn laughs and winks back and Carol near damn swoons.

She’s in the middle of the damn battlefield and she loses it for a solid second.

  


From then onward, it’s a chaos of limbs and blood and bones and more blood.

Brunn soars the skies and sticks Dragonfang right in the side of one of the Chitauri Leviathans, carrying it forward and slicing the giant ass worm from head to tail.

She rages in the adrenaline of battle and victory, and for a moment is just her and her Pegasus, flying the clear sky, and Carol, darting just beneath her, destroying everything in her path.

Brunn thinks she’s definitely in love.

  


And then, quick as it had started, or maybe not very much so, the battle is over.

Brunn is about to stab Dragonfang through another Leviathan’s jaw, being held open by Mockingbird from inside the monster’s mouth -Brunn has yet to figure out how in Hel she’s made it there- when the creature vanishes.

It turns to ashes. Just like half of her people had done before her eyes five years ago.

Just like during the Decimation, but this time is Thanos’ army.

And him.

Thanos himself.

Gone. Forever.

  


Brunn lands and dismounts in a spasmodic rush.

She looks around, trying to act at least a little put together, but when Carol appears out of the blue in front of her, landing as well, Brunn throws her supposed reputation out the window and hugs her tight.

Carol presses her lips on her neck and they laugh between the tears, high on adrenaline and full of pain for Tony’s sacrifice.

But Carol is there, she’s made it back, she’s fought and brought the help they needed to save the Earth.

«What the hell happened here?» Carol asks once she steps back. «Who are all these people?»

And Brunn’s heart stops.

Because all these people are those who had been brought back by the second Snap. And if her Asgardian people are back, if these warriors are back...

«Carol.» she says, and her voice wavers but doesn’t break. Not yet. «The Snap has been reversed. Everyone who was killed five years ago is back.»

And Brunn can see it clearly in Carol’s face when the realization hits.

She can see confusion at first.

Then sheer, utter joy.

And then, at last, the guilt, the horror, the pain.

«Brunn.» Carol says, and Brunn’s heart breaks.

«You should go to her.» she chokes out, and she swears she won’t cry, she won’t. She’s stronger than that.

And she’s better than that, too. 

Because she’s happy for Carol. She honestly, truly is happy for her partner who has just gotten the love of her life back.

«Brunn...» Carol repeats, and there are tears in her eyes as she reaches for her.

Brunn lets herself be kissed.

She savours every second, every breath, and commits everything to memory, knowing this is the last time she’ll kiss the woman she’s fallen for.

But she’s the one who steps back, and she grips Dragonfang with both hands so she has something to hold on to.

She smiles and she’s proud of herself for keeping it together.

«Go, girl.» 

Carol looks absolutely shattered, broken in two, when she nods.

She takes off, but not before whispering her name one more time.

Brunn’s knees give in a little when she disappears, but Aragorn is right next to her so she can hold onto him.

She presses her forehead on his neck and takes a deep, shaky breath.

They’ve won, but she’s lost something too important to quantify.

  


As she walks around what was once Avengers Mansion, Brunn sees Natasha dragging Bobbi to one side, tears in her eyes and a grave expression on her face.

Natasha murmurs a few words and Bobbi pales.

Then, Mockingbird falls to her knees and releases a raging, painful scream that echoes in the deserted battlefield and deep, very deep, in Brunn’s bones.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note for whoever doesn't know the comics: Bobbi Morse aka Mockingbird is a non-well known character who's been around for decades. Appeared in the 70s for the first time, and has been Hawkeye's wife for decades, before the latest comics updates and the MCU events. I needed her to be here. She's fantastic.  
> And yes, I just had to sort of retcon Natasha's fate in Endgame.
> 
> Like what you read? Thanks! Let's get a coffee!
> 
> My ko-fi is: https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus
> 
> Thank you for reading, and don't forget to love each other <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is SO late and SO un-edited

CHAPTER SEVEN

Carol flies like she’s never done before. She hasn’t gone Binary all throughout the battle, but she damn near goes Binary now, as she crosses half the United States in what is probably a mere minute.

Her heart is thumping so hard in her chest that it echoes all over her body.

Her heart is drumming so hard and so painful that she fears something is irremediably broken inside of her.

And that’s how she feels. Torn. Broken in two pieces. A side that wants one thing, and a side that yearns for the other.

But when the familiar view of the Louisiana’s farm house appears in front of her, everything is forgotten.

She is so focused on getting inside the house as soon as she possibly can that she almost miscalculates the landing, rolling on the front yard with a little too much force and leaving scorch marks for a good dozen feet.

And when she looks up, from that same spot she’d seen Maria for the first time thirty five years ago, as Vers, the same woman is staring back at her with a very similar expression on her face.

Carol, on her knees in the grass, her uniform still filthy of blood and dirt and space litter -she might or might not have gone straight through Saturn’s ring on the way to Earth- stares up at the woman who’s slowly approaching.

She’s aged beautifully, thirty years barely taking a toll on her body, her features, with just a hint of lighter shades in her hair.

Carol can’t even believe her own eyes, because for years she’s dreamed to be able to see Maria’s face again. For years she’s wished she could’ve done something to stop what had happened.

“Maria.” She says, and her voice is small, and broken, and choked up with tears.

Maria falls on her knees right in front of her, her warm palms cradling her face like she can’t believe Carol is really here.

There are tears rolling down her beautiful face, and all Carol wants is to kiss them away, but she finds that her body is not willing to move.

“They say it’s been five years.” Maria says and Carol sobs.

For years she’s wished to be able to hear her voice again, and now that it’s happening her heart breaks for how much she’s missed it.

For how much she’s missed her.

Every single day for thirty five years.

Her body crashes into Maria’s, in a hug that neither woman knows who has started, and reality seems to crash down on Carol with the force of a thousand Leviathans.

Maria holds her, her arms visibly shaking, but her voice strong, and loving, and healing.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Maria whispers in her ear. “I’m so sorry.”  
  


***  
  


When Monica lands with her own plane and scrambles down to check for herself that what she’s seeing around the world is true, she finds them hugging in that same spot, not willing to let go.

 

They curl up all three on the couch, so tight that no one could tell whose arms and legs are whom.

Monica cries, hiding her face in her mommy’s neck, and that cry, that small, innocent cry, manages to break both Maria and Carol once more. They hold their daughter close, just like they did when she was a child, before the crash, pressing kisses on the top of her head.

  
  


Maria can see it on her girls’ faces how time has really passed on Earth.

She doesn’t remember anything of those five years, besides seeing her hands slowly disappearing in front of her very own eyes, followed by the rest of the body.

She remembers the fear, the horror, the regret, and then nothing for a long, quiet second.

When she’d opened her eyes she was in the same exact spot in her kitchen, a kitchen who hadn’t clearly been lived in in years.

She’d run out to check on the neighbours, getting a confused idea from those who had survived what had happened.

With dread filling her body, she’d gone back to prepare her plane, turning on the radio and trying to call her SHIELD contacts. But the lines had been crackling with disturbed waves, then filled with panicked and confused voice of people who clearly had no idea what was happening.

Carol landing in her yard, the look on her face and the pain of those years had been the confirmation she’d needed.

Watching her girlfriend and her daughter holding her like they are afraid she could disappear again from their grasp, Maria starts to understand the horror that they must’ve seen in these five years.

And she curses whoever is up there, for forcing her to leave her girls alone.

  
  


Monica passes out on the couch, and they make sure she’s tucked in safely, that she’s comfortable, before finding themselves in the kitchen, standing one in front of the other.

Maria steps forward, a hand passing through Carol’s short hair. 

“Like it?” Carol murmurs, her eyes wandering, lost somewhere in her mind that Maria can’t reach.

“Love it.” She answers, and Carol smiles just so, a smile that doesn’t fully reach her eyes.

Maria feels something moving at the pit of her stomach, something that she can’t recognize, and she almost feels sick.

“I love you.” She says, almost like she hopes that it could fix whatever Carol is going through now.

She hopes, but she’s almost surprised when it’s those three words that do the trick.

Carol’s eyes focus in hers, the shadows gone.

“I love you, Maria.” She says, breathless, strong, sincere. “I never stopped loving you or thinking about you a single moment in these five years. Thirty five, if we wanna be precise.”

The certainty, the strength of that feeling is almost overwhelming. 

“Danve-“

She doesn’t even finish to call her to her, their bodies crashing against one another, lips meeting halfway in an urgent, desperate kiss.

Maria feels Carol shaking in her arms and she thinks she might be doing the same.

She has missed those lips more than air itself, and the hands that are moving on her skin are lighting up her body like it hasn’t happened in almost forty years.

Every single cell of her body is coming alive under Carol’s touch, and if she was to open her eyes long enough, she could see Carol’s body literally lighting up. 

“‘Pstairs.” Carol pants, and Maria doesn’t even have it in herself to answer, tugging the love of her life toward the stairs, her mouth never leaving Carol’s, clothes being shredded along the way.

They fall into their bed with urgency, with the same desperate hunger that is consuming them through their kisses, and Maria forgets everything else that isn’t Carol, Carol, Carol.

  
  


She rolls over, closing her fingers on a still warm pillow.

Maria looks up, and although some of her clothes are still there, Carol isn’t.

One of the blankets is gone, too.

  
  


Maria finds her in her usual spot, looking up at the stars. She holds the jacket around her and forgoes the shoes to join her in the grass, sitting down next to her.

For a while, neither of them says a word.

Then...

“Where’s your head at?” Maria softly murmurs, and Carol breaks.

As sobs wreck her body, she tells Maria everything.

About those five years, about mourning, about loneliness, about friendship, about finding someone who could understand her, about a woman named Brunn.

Maria doesn’t interrupt, she doesn’t comment, she doesn’t speak. She just holds her as she cries and simply understands.

“I love you so much, Maria. And you were gone and I didn’t know... I couldn’t... I wouldn’t...”

Carol trails off as her sobs quiet down to a more controlled cry.

Maria kisses the top of her head with as much love as she can muster.

“I know you love me.” She says eventually. She recognizes the same feeling at the bottom of her stomach, the dread, the fear. She knows now what she’s seen in Carol’s eyes a few hours ago. 

“But are you in love with me?”

Carol’s eyes snap up to meet hers.

“Always.” She says, and Maria believes her.

She can’t not to. She knows her. She trusts her.

So she asks the following question with a calm voice, and a decision already made in her heart.

“Are you in love with her?”

Carol’s eyes lower once again, and Maria knows the answer before Carol speaks it.

“Yes.”

Maria’s heart breaks a little, but not completely. Those years of waiting, of looking up at the sky, of hoping for a second chance have made her heart stronger, and she can’t bring herself to be mad at Carol or at this new woman for what is happening.

“Do you want to go to her?” She softly asks.

Carol sniffs.

“Yes.” She admits. “But I also want to be here with you.”

Maria sighs and takes her face between her palms to kiss her. Carol responds with energy, with hope and desperation, with guilt and anger and ‘I don’t know what to do’s.

Maria wants to cry, and laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but she knows that the answer can be only one.

“You should call her.” She says, once they’re back inside, holding each other in a bed that feels crowded and empty at the same time. “Tell her to come stay with us for a while.”

Carol props herself up on one elbow to study her face.

“Maria...” she murmurs, quietly.

But Maria shakes her head, her heart cracking a little bit more but not breaking, not breaking.

“I never thought I could get a second chance, with you. And as long as you love me still, I can’t ask for more than that. If to have you next to me it means I have to share, then I’ll share.”

Carol’s eyes fill back with tears, and that’s truly the only sight that manages to hurt Maria even more.

“But it’s not fair.”

Maria swallows tears of her own and cups Carol’s chin in her fingers.

“No, baby. It’s not.”

They kiss slowly and desperately, and make love just as intensely. 

Maria holds dear to every touch, certain that nothing is ever going to be the same again.

  
  


Carol calls Brunn the morning after.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever. As some of you might know, I work in healthcare. These past couple of months have been really intense. I don't know if I'll ever manage to finish this story but I have something like five more chapters ready, and I want to try and post them, and write some more. I write every time I have some spare time.  
> These girls make me happy, and I hope they can bring a bit of a distraction for you, too.  
> Enjoy <3

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

 

Monica is in the kitchen with them, having breakfast, when Carol meekly asks their daughter if she could borrow her SHIELD channel to make a couple calls.

Monica looks confused for just a brief second, before noticing the way Maria looks down, at the way Maria’s fingers clench on her coffee mug, and realization dawns on her.

“Of course, Ma’.” She says, and Maria flinches at the word.

She realizes only now that the last time she’s watched Carol and Monica interact had been when Monica was still eleven, when Carol had come back to them after six years of nothing, when Carol was still Auntie and nothing more.

“Mom?”

Monica’s voice shakes her out of her reverie, and Maria looks at her daughter. Carol has left the room.

“You okay?”

Maria smiles.

“Of course, baby. It just surprised me, is all.”

Monica nods with a pensive look on her face.

“It surprised me, too, to be honest. But it felt... I mean. You were gone, right? And it made her happy, you know?”

A soft smile appears on Maria’s lips.

“I bet. She was always _that_ , after all. This whole time.”

Monica frowns, tilting her head.

“Wait, you know her?”

Maria stops.

“What do you mean?”

Monica blinks, and Maria starts to suspect that they are not on the same track.

“What are you talking about?”

Monica grins. “What are  _you_  talking about, mommy?”

Maria doesn’t know if it’s the tone, or the ‘mommy’ that gets her, but she starts snickering like a ten-year-old. It’s good to be with Monica. It’s good to be there with her, and with Carol.

“I was talking about you calling Carol ‘Ma’’.” She clarifies, and Monica snorts in her coffee, the warm liquid going up every single wrong pipe.

She starts coughing, and Maria just watches, deeply amused.

“That happened like, the moment she walked through the door, five years ago, after the Snap.” 

Monica shrugs.

“We’ve talked about it often enough, you and I, it just felt obvious.”

Maria nods. It is, and it has always been obvious. Carol is Monica’s other mother, and she loves her as such.

“Mom.”

Maria looks up, and Monica is looking at her with a smile that resembles hers. Only sadder.

“I was asking if you were okay regarding... you know, Brunn.”

Maria’s heart falls back in her stomach.

“Oh.”

She watches as Monica gets up and rounds the table to go sit right next to her.

Maria can see the worry in her daughter’s eyes. She can see the love Monica has for both of her mothers, and she knows Monica must’ve seen the aftermath of Carol’s grief.

“How was Carol when I was gone?” She asks, knowing that she can trust her daughter with an honest answer.

“Hollow. Broken. A disaster. A complete mess.” Monica admits, without mincing words. “I could hear her moving and screaming in her sleep, calling for you at times. Everywhere she went, something reminded her of you. I barely recognized her, at times.”

Maria feels her heart squeeze in a painful grip, but she nods. She thinks she would’ve been exactly like Carol if the roles had been switched. She knows as much, because she’s lost Carol once already.

“And how was she after, you know, being with this woman?”

Monica understands very well the point her mother wants to make with these questions, but she answers nonetheless, for Maria’s sake.

“Lighter. Happier. More like the Carol we know.”

Maria nods again, bile in her throat and eyes burning. She understands. She does. And she’s happy that Carol had managed to move on. But it doesn’t make it any less painful.

As if she’s sensing her mother’s pain, Monica continues, voice low and careful.

“It was never like... She never moved on from you, though.” She murmurs, gently grabbing her hand. Maria looks up. “You could see it. And even Brunn always knew that having Ma’ meant having her love for you as well. It was very honorable. She never tried to pretend like you were in the past, you know? She always acknowledged that you were part of us, and that you were always going to be.”

Maria clenches her jaw, trying desperately not to cry. For what, she doesn’t even know.

She doesn’t know who this woman is, this woman who’s made her way through Carol’s guarded heart, but she respects her, and she is grateful.

From what she can see, Monica likes her, too.

And if her two girls can love and accept someone new in their family, then so can she.

  
  


What Carol has failed to tell her, though, is how breathtaking Brunn is.

Maria is many things, and blind is certainly not one of those, and the moment Brunn lands in her yard on top of what is, without the shadow of a doubt, a Pegasus, her jaw goes slack.

Brunn is wearing jeans and a flannel covered by a very loose vest, an absurdly long sword strapped to her back and long, wavy hair braided carefully and beautifully. She dismounts gracefully, her eyes trained on Carol.

Maria’s heart bounces in her throat, because even at that distance she can see the utter reverence this woman has for Carol. She can recognize it easily, because it’s the same kind of mix of respect and love and awe that she feels whenever she even thinks about Carol.

Carol, one step ahead of her, is literally vibrating from wanting to go meet her, and Maria places a hand on the small of her back, pushing her forward.

It’s all Carol needs to dart in Brunn’s direction and envelope her in a quick but tight hug.

Maria’s heart cracks a bit more, and her eyes finally meet Brunn’s from above Carol’s shoulder.

  
  


“Brunn, Maria. Maria, Brunn.”

There’s really little to no need for this kind of introductions, but Maria knows that Carol is literally losing her mind over this meeting, so she plays along.

She extends a polite hand toward Brunn -beautiful, powerful, fit, _young_ looking Brunn- and stares straight in her eyes.

Brunn shakes her hand, still studying her.

“Nice to meet you. Your horse shits on my lawn, I’ll destroy you.” Maria says matter-of-factly.

Carol holds her breath.

The Pegasus neighs from the distance, offended.

Brunn’s eyes narrow, and there’s a spark in them that Maria recognizes immediately.

It’s an amused glint of a challenge, it’s the fun-loving light of a person who takes no shit from nobody.

Brunn takes a second to answer, but then…

“You touch Aragorn, I’ll destroy  _you_.”

Carol not-so-subtly freezes on the spot.

Maria and Brunn hold the stare for a long, intense moment, before dropping their hands at the same time.

And then, to Carol’s surprise, both Brunn and Maria chuckle. A nervous laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.

“What?” Carol says, confused and anxious and worried. “What did I miss?”

“Ah, Danvers.” Maria says, a playful smile on her lips that is mirrored by Brunn’s more relaxed one.

“You just really have a type.” Brunn finishes, and Maria’s heart is still cracked, still pained, but she feels lighter. She feels almost okay.

Because she loves Carol, and Carol loves this woman, and this woman loves Carol.

And she has to admit, she doesn’t quite mind her herself.

If she has to share the love of her life with someone, Maria is glad that is someone like Brunn.

  
  


Monica stays for dinner, scheduling to leave the morning after.

Maria knows fully well that it’s just to make sure that neither her mother or Brunn end up feeling like the third wheel.

But Maria lets herself relax, she takes deep breaths and simply tries to enjoy being here with her daughter, her girlfriend... and, well, her girlfriend’s girlfriend.

She has always proud herself for being an understanding, open minded person, but she is surprised herself by how easy this seems to be.

Yes, Carol looks at Brunn like she is the sun, and that sparks jealousy and sadness in her stomach.

But then Carol turns, and looks at her with the same intensity, the same desire, the same love.

And Maria can only drown in those eyes that she has loved for the past thirty-something years.

But Maria is not only understanding and open minded. She’s also a very perceptive and smart person, and she notices how Brunn stays quiet during dinner. How she smiles at Carol and then, when the blonde looks away, how her smile turns pained, sad, thoughtful.

A couple times Maria meets Brunn’s eyes and she sees them darken, she sees as the woman steels herself and straightens her spine, and she realizes that, although she might be okay with this arrangement, although Carol seems happy and cheerful, although even Monica seems to be completely at ease with what’s happening, there’s a new member in their family that might not be alright with sharing.

  
  


They go to bed quite early.

Monica takes her old room, and Maria sets the couch for Brunn.

There’s the sound of a clipped conversation coming from the kitchen, and even without trying to eavesdrop, she ends up hearing some of it.

“-better if I go.”

“Brunn, please. I know this isn’t... well, ideal, but she’s trying. We’re all trying.”

Maria furrows her brows. Has she not been welcoming, understanding?

“I know you are, love. But you guys have a home here. Memories, and all that, and I don’t quite fit in.”

Maria flinches. Brunn is not all wrong. Everything around them is theirs. Carol’s, Monica’s and hers. It’s their home. And although they opened it to Brunn, it’s not the same thing. It’s not her pictures that are hanging in the foyer. Not her jacket that is slung across the dining room chair.

She feels a pang of sympathy for the woman.

“I understand. But please, just... Just for a couple of days. I don’t want to pick between you and her.”

There’s a pause, and Maria braces herself. What if Brunn asks her to choose? What if she’s going to make her pick between the two of them?

“I don’t want you to.” Comes the quiet response.

Maria sighs in relief.

She hears sounds of what’s undoubtedly the two of them kissing and she goes back to fixing the couch.

When Carol and Brunn meet her in the living room, Carol is holding the other woman’s hand, and Brunn’s expression doesn’t betray any emotion.

  
  


Carol stays downstairs when Maria goes to bed.

She grabs Maria by the hips a presses her against the closed kitchen door, kissing her with something akin to desperation.

Maria has kissed her every day for years for her not to know how to interpret how Carol is feeling.

She leans with their foreheads touching and strokes Carol’s cheek.

“It’s gonna be okay.” She promises. “We’ll all be okay.”

Carol sighs and Maria does her best to believe her own words. She does her best not to cry.

She places another tender kiss on Carol’s lips and heads upstairs, wondering, not for the first time, if their love is going to be enough.

  
  


***

  
  


Carol slips back inside the living room to see Brunn tossing and turning, already on the couch.

She smirks, knowing full well how uncomfortable that thing is, despite Maria and Monica’s opposite opinion.

“Scooch.”

Brunn looks up at her, surprised to see her there.

“What are you doing?”

Carol waits for Brunn to move over, and when that doesn’t happen, she climbs behind the other woman.

“Carol.”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

Brunn turns with her full body to look at her, her expression unreadable.

“Why are you here?” She grits her teeth, her voice harsher than what probably was intended.

“Because I’m sleeping with you.” Carol answers, settling in and trying to get some of the blanket on top of her. “For a few hours, at least.”

Brunn scrunches her nose in disapproval.

“Listen-“

“No.” Carol is quick to interrupt. Her voice is gentle, but firm. “You listen. I don’t know what you think it’s happening, but I’m not leaving you. And I’m not leaving her. I want this. With the both of you. And it’s selfish, and greedy, and right now I really don’t care.”

Carol props herself up on one elbow so she can look at Brunn.

“Unless one of you decides that you don’t want this, that you are not okay with this arrangement, of course. At that point we’ll figure it out. But you better get used to the fact that I want you as much as I want her.”

Carol leans forward, her lips so close to Brunn’s that Brunn can feel her warm breath on the tip of her tongue.

“You guys are trying to get this to work. And I will make an effort as well.”

Brunn doesn’t respond.

She grabs Carol by the back of her neck and drags her down, kissing her hard.

The blanket falls on the floor as their bodies come together.

  
  


***

  
  


Maria hears the door of her bedroom open and sleepily checks her wristwatch.

Three in the morning.

She lifts her blanket, waiting for Carol to crawl inside, and she feels her warm hands before anything else.

“She okay?” She murmurs.

Carol presses her lips on her neck, humming.

“No. You?”

Maria squeezes her eyes shut.

“Of course.”

Carol’s lips smile sadly against her skin.

“Liar.”

Maria turns, wrapping her arms around Carol’s waist.

“How ‘bout you, Danvers?” She whispers. “How are you feeling?”

Carol shakes her head.

“Like a fraud. Like I’m forcing you both into something horrible. Like I’m the most selfish person to ever exist. And the worst part is that I don’t want to step away from it. I can’t.”

Maria holds her close.

She knows exactly what’s going on through Carol’s mind because she knows her too well not to.

“It was our choice.” She reminds her.

Carol laughs, bitterly.

“I didn’t leave room for an alternative, Maria.”

It’s a split-second decision, but Maria doesn’t hesitate to smack her hard on the thigh.

“I didn’t leave room for alternatives when I got pregnant with Monica.” She says hotly, ignoring Carol’s protests for the smack. “It was either stay or go. And you stayed.”

“Of course, I did. I loved you. I love you. It was a no brainer for me.”

Maria entangles their feet together.

“And it’s a no brainer for me now, baby. I could stay or walk away, and I’m staying. So is she. I love you too much to lose you like this.”

Carol’s breath itches, and Maria knows she’s crying even before hearing the crack in her voice.

“You’re too good for this world, Maria Rambeau.”

Maria shakes her head and kisses her girlfriend gently, waiting for her to roll around before spooning her.

Sleep eventually comes, and so do the nightmares.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Liked what you read?  
> Yay! I like writing too!  
> But I also gotta pay the bills so if you like, head to my ko-fi and let's get a coffee together!  
> ( https://www.ko-fi.com/lexalivesinus )  
> Me and my kitty thank you! <3


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